Other Authors Section Archive


My Family, My Idol

August 19, 2008
Posted by refem

Remember Tera Miller? Today she writes on her struggles in worshiping and fearing her family more than Jesus. Can you relate? Maybe you don’t have an “obvious idol” - like pornography or overeating or drunkenness. But what about the beautiful gift of family? Do you love them more than Jesus?

God created us to worship.  It’s how we’re made.  So when we’re not properly worshiping Him, our hearts are quickly drawn to a cheap replacement.  For me, that has been my family.  Which is rather confusing since family in itself is a good thing.  But it can easily take the form of idolatry when I choose family over Jesus.  Let me explain.

As a single woman, I have held my family above Christ by refusing to speak truth at the risk of disrupting my family’s so-called peace or potentially losing relationship with them altogether.  I knew God was calling me to bring into the light past family sin that had never been discussed since it occurred 27 years ago.  I could see how it could be used to show them God’s grace by coming to them in truth and forgiveness.  And although there was great possibility to see lives transformed, I sinned against God by instead choosing my family and my own comfort because the risk was too high.

Not having a husband or children of my own, the thought of being left “alone” was unbearable.  I literally thought I wouldn’t be able to live without my family.  But what I was choosing in that was that I could live without loving Jesus.

It took a long time of wrestling with my convictions before I actually repented.  I sat in my sin and played every scenario out in my head, resolving that I couldn’t bear the worst case outcome.  As a follower of Jesus, I believed that I would give up the thing I cherished the most to follow Him.  But I never actually had to put that belief into action, until now.

Through a lot of prayer and struggle, God changed my heart and gave me the boldness to trust in His sovereignty.  Out of a changed heart and a desire to love and follow Him no matter the cost, I initiated a truth-bearing conversation with my family that resulted in intense pain, disappointment and severed relationship.  In the midst of this season of suffering, though, I rest knowing that I have chosen Jesus above that which I have held above Him for my entire life.  And no matter the situation with my own family, I am comforted by my Heavenly Father who promises I will never be left alone.

Psalm 27:10 For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.


My Beloved Fiance, Can We Talk?

July 13, 2008
Posted by refem

 This is a journal entry of a woman, addressed to her fiance. She shared with me her struggles to not idolize her relationship with him, not to be a slave to her emotions and how she is trying to break away from a despairing cycle of “works” to make her “worthy” of love. Can you relate in this struggle to worship Jesus in the midst of a relationship? We chose to publish this because it seems a real, raw picture of a post-conversion struggle to abide in Jesus and not return to our old way of life, which is miserable slavery.

Good morning

First off, I want to apologize for how stand-offish I was this morning. I was completely acting on my emotions and blaming you.

As I was cleaning the office this morning God completely convicted me of my sin and how I am choosing to act in my wicked ways rather than in my redeemed state. Things you said I would usually not think twice about, but I dwelled on them and let them fester in my heart. I have been listening to lies and my emotions are telling me things like “he regrets asking you to marry him,” “he does not find you attractive,” “he is the only friend you have and he is sick of you,” etc. The list goes on and on - voices I meditate on, choose to believe as truth and begin playing the victim.

My life starts to build on those “truths” and I work my ass off trying to make them not true and I choose to get stuck in this vicious cycle. I am so discontent with my relationship with God that I keep looking for things to affirm and satisfy me and I fight against simply resting in God. It makes me sick to think I am actually trying to build my life around these things to glorify myself and then get down when they get crushed. My desires are perverse.

I feel like an adulteress. My spirit of rebellion tells me that is not good enough. So I keep working and fighting to try to fulfill my desire for control but end up slipping and blaming the people in my life and the circumstances I am in. I proceed to play the victim and get pissed that you do not ask what is wrong. 

I honestly believe we are entering a new season for our relationship. I think working through how we approach and communicate with each other our concerns and frustrations is huge.

Expectations are being shattered. I expect you to constantly be pursuing me. I expect you to understand everything that is going on in my head. I expect you to always put my best interest before yours. I expect you to be strong in the physical stuff. I expect you to constantly push me to Jesus. I expect you to act like you love me around your parents. I expect you to always be patient with me. I expect you to always be excited to see me. I expect you to always ask me about my day. I expect you to push when I am not giving you answers.

You have spoiled me and I have manipulatively twisted it. Time for me to grow up, because deep down I know that all I really have to do is simply ask you to hear me in that moment and you will be all ears. I honestly do not know how I could be so backwards right now.

How am I going to help you when in fact I am so weak? What does that mean? Buy him more, clean more, ask more questions, try to look good … ? No, it means abiding and all of that will fall into place. I am so completely humbled and more than ever realize my need for God. I physically and emotionally can’t support you unless I am striving to have God be my rock and fortress. My own efforts will continue to fail no matter how hard I keep fighting. I feel so selfish by critiquing how you are treating me and not even looking at my actions. From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry. I tell you this all of the time, but I will continue to say it, God has blessed me in a way I cannot describe. I know it is not about “deserving it” but I don’t deserve you. You are an amazing man of God and I am so privileged to spend my life with you. 
 
Love you dearly.


IDOLS

July 1, 2008
Posted by refem

By Mars Hill Wedgwood member, Mindy Lee Irvine. We love you, ML!

It almost feels defeating to think of them all,
and when I do in His grace I don’t fall.
I try to conquer each one on my own but instead I bow to them
with a heart of stone.
I faithfully worship my gods that I see.
I am faithful indeed,
serving only me.


Naked & Unashamed

June 11, 2008
Posted by refem

By Tera Miller 

Editor’s note: Tera Miller loves Jesus, is a Mars Hill Member at the Ballard Campus, is a hilarious Cranium teammate, and wrote for the former Vox Pop Magazine. She is real and she is gutsy. Look for more to come.

When I was first invited to go to a Korean women’s day spa, I was elated at the idea of soaking in therapeutic whirlpools with hydro jets, breathing in the aromas of the Mugwart steam sauna, and meditating in one of the heated rooms lined with different elements like jade, sand or clay.  I could almost feel my skin getting smoother by the second!

But when I learned that it was a naked spa, I literally heard the record player scratch in my head and the music suddenly go silent.  NAKED?  Are you for real?  How naked are we talking?  Well, apparently, naked means nothing but a pink fabric shower cap over your hair and a bracelet with your locker key around your wrist.  That’s pretty naked by my standards.

You see, Korean bath houses are a centuries-old tradition, beneficial for (more…)


Courtside Babaaaay

April 30, 2008
Posted by refem

by Mindy Lee Irvine, Mars Hill member at the Wedgwood Campus

I had the great opportunity to sit courtside at a Sonics game last week. I am a sports fan; I enjoy events with lots of loud obnoxious people, because I usually join them in their madness.  I do whatever it takes to get on the jumbotron! And I suppose at this point I feel like I am doing some civic support when it comes to watching the Sonics.

If you are a virgin courtside watcher like I was, you have no idea the perks that come with such an event.  There is a special “courtside seat” entrance.  No waiting in line.  They check your coat.  They check your ID for those who will be partaking in the alcohol perks, and the kind man doing so offers a delightful piece of history as he reads your birth year.  Your ticket is checked a few times by ushers to ensure you are in fact a courtside member, and then you then walk into the arena. 

The loud music the squeak of rubber soles on the court is intense and (more…)


Bad Carrots

April 29, 2008
Posted by refem

by Chandin Persaud, Mars Hill member at the Downtown Campus. 

No matter how bad it gets, how bad I get, or how bad anyone else or society can get: God is still good. He’s still the same, reigning sovereignly over my wickedness. It’s funny how forgetful I can be. Not ha-ha funny, but the other kind of funny. Funny like the way normally delicious things can taste funny-like when you get a bad carrot. Or icky coffee. Yuck.

I forget that my sin does not ruin God’s day. It might ruin mine and certainly grieves God, which is not a small thing to be brushed off by any means, but my sin does not put God on an emotional roller coaster. He’s perfectly content, perfectly in control, perfectly happy and joyous in just being Him. And the really crazy part is that every day He forgives and atones for my sin, takes it away and declares me righteous before Him. I cannot make God love me less and nothing I do can make Him love me more.  I cannot be his favorite.  I cannot be his least favorite.  Grace is such a puzzling yet necessary thing. I couldn’t survive without it.

When I forget things like this, things like grace, it makes life with Jesus which is normally delicious and incredibly sweet, to funny, not right, gross and bad. And this doesn’t just affect me but those living life around me, they taste it too. So primarily to my mom, my friends, and my family in Christ: I’m sorry for my my funk, my bad carrots, my greatest sin: forgetting grace. Please forgive me and help me sweeten life by reminding and teaching me the incredible mystery of our God’s grace.


Theodicy

April 15, 2008
Posted by refem

By Mars Hill member Mindy Lee Irvine. Mindy Lee has been actively involved in ministry to women at Mars Hill over the past few years. This is her first article for Reforming the Feminine, and we hope to see more.

Theodicy: The defense of God’s goodness and omnipotence in view of the existence of evil.
I have found a common tension rearing its head in my life the past four years.  I walk what feels like a tightrope, and wanting to hold two truths in each hand.  One truth being: I have suffered.  The other truth being: God is good.  Although my pains have led me to remorse and discomfort, the many tears do not extinguish the truth in my heart that God is good. 

But it brings tension.  The tension that the tightrope needs in order walk well. And when I lean too far to either side, I fall into sin.  Denying my pain or denying God’s power and goodness.  Faking my faith in Him or wallowing and naval-gazing.

In the not too far past when I would share my sufferings with someone, my soul would well up and I would get that hard to swallow feeling in my throat.  However externally I would be smiling and white knuckling my Bible while trying to convince others and myself that “what the enemy intended for evil, God intended for good.” And my tears would well up in my throat but not get farther then that, because in my mind faith and tears did not mix. 

Then one day I was introduced to the Psalms and I have never been the same.

Psalm 136 met my soul in the exact spot I needed to be met. The Psalmist walks that tightrope of two truths. God’s enduring love and the troubles that they faced were written with truth and God-glorifying love.  I decided to write my own.

Give Thanks to the Lord for He is good.
His love endures forever.
Who by his love made me Mindy Lee.
His love endures forever.
His hand determined my mom and dad.
His love endures forever.
Who brought me into a family of two sisters.
His love endures forever.
To him who knew my parents marriage would not last.
His love endures forever.
And knew my time with my dad would be short.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks that He gave me a sweet summer with my dad.
His love endures forever.
To him who struck down my dream of being a daddy’s girl,
His love endures forever.
And ended my dad’s life too soon.
His love endures forever.
He alone allowed my step-dad to set me up.
His love endures forever.
And there his mighty hand stood still while my step-dad’s hand mightily ruled my body.
His love endures forever.
And men’s hands never stopped.
His love endures forever.
He gave me a gymnastics talent,
His love endures forever.
Which led me to a Christian college.
His love endures forever.
With patient love he wooed my heart.
His love endures forever.
And with a mighty hand stopped my sexual madness,
His love endures forever.
And struck down my desires to escape reality.
His love endures forever.
To him who gave me a husband who knew it all but saw me as pure.
His love endures forever.
To him who led us to the Bible
His love endures forever.
To him who created a baby in my womb,
His love endures forever.
who knew by holding her my life would change.
His love endures forever.
And my soul would set sail on a journey
His love endures forever.
That would end in heaven.
His love endures forever.
Give Thanks to the Lord, to the God in heaven
His love endures forever.


Margaret??

February 9, 2008
Posted by refem

By Trisha Wilkerson, wife of Pastor Mike Wilkerson.

For a few years, I have talked about a woman named Margaret. She is a fictitious woman I’ve made up, trying to understand the Martha and Mary story in Luke 10. I jokingly call the blend of both Martha and Mary “Margaret,” assuming that there must be a gal that is both a hard worker and a worshiper. My tag line in the Margaret story has been: “Sure, Mary had it right–setting at the Lord’s feet listening to his teaching–but hey! JESUS had to eat!”

But I am starting to grasp that Margaret isn’t the answer. I am starting to understand what Jesus meant when he said, “Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken from her.”

Martha:

All of my Christian life, I have heard about the differences between Martha and Mary. Often it is suggested that Martha is the stressed out sister concerned about tasks. She can’t relax because “there is much to be done.” Martha works hard but seems to lack the peace and worship that goes with working heartily unto the Lord. When God himself is a guest in her home she can’t even handle (more…)


Don’t Be the Freaky Animal Lady

January 15, 2008
Posted by refem

By Chandin Persaud, who also wrote this piece, and is a member regularly attending West Seattle… until Downtown officially starts kickin’ it.

http://www.e-wildbirds.com/index_files/woman_with_binoculars_5.jpg

I have never been so thankful for men until last night.  Growing up I couldn’t understand them, didn’t like them, and was utterly afraid of them.  I have dealt with about every “daddy-issue” a girl might have, which sadly isn’t rare these days.  But last night God showed this jacked up girl a peek at what it means to be a man of God, and I am eternally grateful. 

I went to dinner with some guy friends, some of which I didn’t know so well. Conversation was great; the chips were warm and the salsa spicy. Conversation grew rich as it went from dinner to the living room of their bachelor pad. We sat and talked about (more…)


Jesus in the Old Testament?

December 11, 2007
Posted by refem

By Kate Webb, who is a Mars Hill member & Jesus seeker. [We also think she is one smart cookie and we are glad she she shared her personal study and insight here with us.]

The law is hard to grasp.  It is weird, boring, hard to read, hard to understand and easy to skip over. But Jesus says that all the Scriptures testify to him (Luke 24:27, John 5:39).  So what can the law reveal to us about Jesus?

Looking at one example, the Old Testament book of Deuteronomy, chapter 21:22-23 says,

“And if a man has committed a crime punishable by death and he is put to death, and you shall hang him on a tree, his body shall not remain all night on the tree, but you shall bury him the same day, for a hanged man is cursed by God. You shall not defile your land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.”

To give some general context to this passage, Deuteronomy is the fifth and final book of the Pentateuch; the five books penned by Moses, which also make up the first five books of our Bible. Deuteronomy means “second law,” and in this book Moses reiterates the law and gives his farewell and final exhortation to obey God as Israel stops on the bank of the Jordan right before crossing into the Promised Land, where Moses will not go with them.

The literal meaning of the verse has to do with the details of capital punishment. The Israelites didn’t hang people by the neck until dead as a means of execution. Rather the Israelites used stoning (throwing rocks at somebody until dead) as their primary means of execution. However, after stoning they might hang the corpse up on display as a public spectacle and warning to others against committing that crime. Common practice in other cultures would be to leave the body up for days, weeks, or even until it rotted away.

In requiring that the body be buried the same day, God sets His people apart. He prevents his people from bearing a grudge and in essence commands them to forgive and be merciful, giving even the worst criminals the honor of burial rather than leaving them up where they are accursed of God. In a very practical way, God is also preventing them from defiling the Promised Land with the stench of a bunch of rotten dead bodies, which were considered unclean under the law (Num 5:2).

Aside from keeping the Promised Land clean and the Israelites merciful, in this verse on the nitty-gritty of the Israelite penal code God actually reveals to us something about Christ and the crucifixion. The Hebrew word for hanged (transliterated Talah) does not just mean “dangle from a cord,” but also to hang up or to hang up for display. The Hebrew word used for tree, (“ets) also has several meanings. The meanings for this word include tree, wood, lumber, stock, plank, and pieces of wood. Ancient Hebrews back in Moses’ day would not have had a word for “giant Roman cross bar” or “crucifix,” since such a thing didn’t exist at the time. As Christ was nailed to the cross, he did more than just hang from a piece of wood until he died. In Galatians 3:13, 14 the Apostle Paul quotes Deuteronomy 21:23 saying “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree’ so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith.”

Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law not just by removing it, not even by dying, but by becoming a curse for us. Furthermore, Jesus was not simply killed and then cursed by God, as would have been the case if they had hung him up on display after some other means of execution. Jesus was hung on the tree (cross) while still alive and endured the most horrific death possible in order to become a literal living curse, so that we might receive the Spirit and the gift of Christ’s righteousness. John 18:31 infers that the Jews would have loved to kill Jesus by their own means without waiting for a Roman crucifixion, but the Roman law prohibited them from doing so; Jesus knew he had to die on a cross, because John 18:32 says “This was to fulfill the word that Jesus had spoken to show by what kind of death he was going to die.”

“A hanged man is cursed by God.” The Hebrew word used for cursed means vilification or execration - hate coupled with disgust. Christ literally disgusted God the Father, and God hated him while he was on the cross. It was our sin that he bore that made God hate Jesus. God should have hated and been disgusted by us. We should have been the cursed upon the tree. How much more powerful is it that the living and innocent Jesus, God’s own son, became a curse in order to save us, rather than his empty body? We know from the empty tomb that the power of Christ does not lie in his body. From this we can also further understand what Paul means when he writes in 2 Corinthians 5:21 “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” Christ took the hate and disgust that our sin gives God and took it upon himself on the cross, not because he died, which was the penalty for that sin (Gen 2:17, Rom 6:23), but because he actually hung on the cross.

Examining Christ’s death on the cross in light of Deuteronomy 21:22,23 gives a bit of insight into why God may have chosen a cross over all the other painful ways to die, and it also gives a prophetic meaning to the law. In Matthew 5:17 Jesus says, “Do not think I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them, but to fulfill them.” It is easier to understand what it means to fulfill a prophecy than to fulfill a law. Christ’s crucifixion was in accordance with the law and in fact fulfilled it. The law is a command to act in a certain way, but the law is in and of itself a prophecy of Christ’s sacrifice.