So the esthetician is chatting away as I’m getting my brows waxed, and my brain hiccups after her comment about, “…as your skin matures…”.  I hearing nothing she says after that.  “As I mature?  My skin matures?  What are you saying?”  The light-bulb comes on (more…)

…ministers grace to others (both within and without the body of Christ).

This is the final installment of this series, satirically titled the Ideal Mars Hill Woman.  We’ve tried to break down the stereotypes of Christian women and replace them with the things that Scripture teaches should characterize us all.  First and foremost, the Ideal Mars Hill Woman must be honest about her sin.  Women who put on pretty faces and fake their way through the Christian life are of NO value to the church.  Confession and repentance are key to our growth in Christ.  Secondly, we must deal with this sin in light of the gospel.  We never graduate past a need to meditate on and avail ourselves of the benefits of the gospel.  If we’re honest about our sin and find our identity in Christ through the gospel, we are equipped to reflect the character of God as He originally intended.  In particular, women were created in God’s image as Helpers suitable to the needs of their male counterparts.  It is a high and worthy calling to reflect the image of God in our lives by supporting, defending, and comforting those in our care as an ezer, or strong helper.

Finally, as women who have drunk deeply of God’s grace in light of our own sin, we are equipped to be conduits of God’s grace to the next person.  Consider Paul’s words in Ephesains 4:29:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

In the King James Version, that last phrase is translated “that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”  Now that’s a phrase to park on for a bit.  We should sit back in AWE for a moment and contemplate that God equips us to speak to others in a way that “ministers grace” to them.  I LOVE that concept!   Do you want to be a conduit of God’s grace to others?  Not His justice, not His law, but His GRACE?  We aren’t the sources of the grace.  We can’t give the grace of ourselves.  But we can be the channels the Lord uses to give His grace to the next guy.  What an honor to be God’s agent sent to build up a hurting brother or sister in Christ through God’s grace!

In contrast, I often find that my conversations with others are filled with words that reveal I haven’t gotten a grasp of parts 1, 2, or 3 of this series.  My words at time reflect my attempts to hide my sin.  My words at times reflect my attempts to still try to earn my favor with God and others through my own human effort.  And quite often, my words reflect that I have totally lost touch with God’s purpose for me-that I’d reflect HIS image and HIS glory.  Instead, my words reveal my attempts to spruce up my own image and reflect glory upon myself.   But when I’m honest about my sin, find my identity in Christ, and embrace my calling to reflect the image of God, I see God begin to use me to channel His grace to others.  What a privilege! 

Where are you in this process?  Have you confessed your sin?  Are you honest about the shame of your past and the failures in your present?  Are you attempting to clean yourself up through your own effort?  Or do you live daily seeing your need for the cross?  Have you surrendered your own warped view of the good life and instead embraced God’s calling to reflect Him in your life?   If so, then you are ready to minister grace to the next lady who realizes her need to be honest about her sin.  May each of us continue drinking daily of God’s grace and ministering that grace back through our words to those God brings into our paths. 

. seeks to reflect the image of God in her body and life.

We’ve established that the Ideal Mars Hill Woman is honest about her sin and finds her identity in Jesus Christ.  She understands that His punishment on the cross bought her peace, healing, and restoration, and she meditates regularly on the benefits His death has purchased for her.  As the prophet Isaiah said, “By His wounds, we are healed.”  Christ’s death on the cross and the forgiveness and cleansing we have through Him enable us on to part 3 of this series:  we restore and reflect the image of God in our body and life. 

The first woman was created to reflect the image of God.  In particular, she was created to be a helper (Hebrew ezer, Genesis 2:18).  In Hebrew, this word means to help, nourish, sustain, or strengthen and is used most often in the Old Testament of God Himself.  Consider it’s use in Deuteronomy 33:29. 

Deuteronomy 33
       29 Blessed are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the LORD ?
       He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword..”

Here, God Himself is called our helper, our ezer, the same word used of the first woman in Gen. 2:18.  In the New Testament, the Holy Spirit is also called our Helper, Counselor, and Comforter (depending on which translation of the Bible you use-these are all translations of the Holy Spirit’s role of “paraklete”, or one who comes alongside in aid.)  God is our Help.  The Holy Spirit is our Helper.  And we were created to reflect this awesome attribute of God.  When we understand God’s role on this issue, it puts this in perspective.  God, Almighty Sovereign Lord of the Universe, is our helper and we, as women, are created in His image.   

So let’s consider God’s example on this issue of Help.   Do you see yourself exhibiting God’s characteristics or the contrasting ones?   In Exodus 18:4, God our help defends (in contrast to attacking or ignoring the fight altogether).  In Psalm 10:14 God our help sees and cares for the oppressed (rather than being indifferent and unconcerned).  In Psalm 20:2 and 33:20, God our Help supports, shields and protects (rather than leaving unprotected and defenseless).  In Psalms 70:5, God our Help delivers from distress (rather than causing distress).  In Psalm 72:12-14, God our Help rescues the poor, weak, and needy (rather than ignoring the poor and needy).  And in Psalm 86:17, God our Help comforts (rather than causing discomfort or avoiding altogether).  God’s example reveals a high and worthy calling for women as helpers suitable to their male counterparts.  We are called to show compassion, to support, defend and protect those in our care, to deliver from distress and to comfort.  We are called to be conduits of God’s grace in our families and churches.  We are called to be like God Himself.

Matthew 10:25 (KJV)  It is enough for the disciple that he be as his master, and the servant as his lord.

…Finds Her Identity and Security in Christ.

In part 1 of this series, we discussed the need for women to confess their sin and be honest about their struggles.  Instead, the norm in most churches is that the majority of us wear plastic smiles each Sunday, hoping that no one will notice what’s really going on in our hearts.  But what do we do with this sin we confess?  How does repentance take place?  And how can we possibly forgive those who have committed heinous acts against us?  In a word, the gospel.

Many of us have looked on the gospel, understanding that Christ paid the penalty for our sin by His death on the cross so that we might be forgiven and have a right relationship with God.   But a lot of us stopped looking on it, meditating on it, and valuing it after we first came to know Christ.  We mistakenly think that the gospel is needed only early on in our relationship with God.  The thinking goes that at some point, I understood the gospel and now I need to move on to focus on other Christian doctrine and moral commands.  Once again, the Apostle Paul clears up this wrong kind of thinking with his frank words to the church at Galatia. 

Galatians 3:3 (ESV) - Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?

 (or “by human effort” in the NIV)

Paul warns us from thinking that while we needed the Spirit at the day of our salvation, we can accomplish the rest of our Christian life with our own human effort.  I don’t want to review the whole of the gospel here.  In fact, I envision a target audience reading this who well understand the gospel and their need for a Savior.  Rather, I hope to emphasize that we don’t ever graduate past a need to meditate on the gospel. 

In my experience, Christian women tend to fall into one of two patterns of wrong thinking.  The first group of women have developed their idea of the Ideal Christian Woman, using their own talents and giftedness as the model.  Then they secretly admire themselves because they keep this standard and subtly pressure their Christian sisters to maintain their standard of the Ideal Christian Woman.  The second group of women have developed their idea of the Ideal Christian Woman not from their own strengths but from the Christian sisters they know that seem to have it all together.  This second group of women keeps trying and failing to fully live up to this standard and feel constant frustration and condemnation within themselves because of it. 

Because so many of the women at Mars Hill are in their child-bearing years, the issues of fertility, child birth, and child rearing are the places Satan seems to attack us most concerning the gospel.  We have wonderful single women who must stand by and watch their biological clock ticking.  They hear the satanic lie whispered daily in their ear-”you’re not anything until you have a child.  Your life is meaningless until you give birth.”  There are infertile couples and couples who have miscarried.  Satan lies to them, “You don’t deserve a baby.  You miscarried because you weren’t disciplined enough to carry a healthy baby to full term.”  Women with children hear, “a really godly mom would have succeeded at breast feeding.”  Or “you had to have that emergency c-section because you didn’t take care of yourself well during pregnancy.”  Christian moms (and would be moms) can be the worst at comparing themselves in an attempt to find their worth and identity in their children.  As a mom who had a c-section and a less than stellar record breast-feeding, I admit to feeling threatened at times by moms who succeed at drug-free births with breasts over-flowing with milk.  One friend who had her children at home shared that she no longer feels free to talk about those experiences with other moms because so many ladies seemed threatened by her story.   Why can’t Christian women share their stories or hear the story of others without feeling constant tension to compare themselves or find their value in how well they succeeded?   

What is it about the gospel that protects us from the shame and condemnation of such comparisons?  Like Paul, we acknowledge honestly the extent of our sin.  As Paul says, “I am the chief of sinners.”  Then we look at the cross and realize, “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).  Anyone who thinks they can earn God’s favor by breast feeding well (or whatever issue) or that they lose God’s favor if they don’t, needs to review the gospel.  They need to drink deeply of God’s grace to us and must constantly interpret the rest of life in light of that grace.  In light of the cross, we find our identity NOT in our talents or giftedness and not in how we compare to Jane Doe Christian.  Instead, we find our identity in Jesus-after all, before the creation of the world, God determined that you and I would reflect God’s image in Christ (Romans 8:29).  But note Christ’s warning in John 15:5 -

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

What is our identity in Jesus?  Well, He is the Head and we are His Body.  He is the Vine and we are His branches.  We are supernaturally connected to Him and desperately dependent on Him for any hope of fruitful ministry at church, home, or the workplace.  The Ideal Mars Hill Woman realizes that having begun her walk of faith through the Spirit, she is still utterly dependent upon God for any hope of future obedience.  She gets her nourishment for daily living from the Vine in light of the gospel and not from any false sense of personal ability–for apart from Him, she can do nothing. 

…Is Honest About Her Sin.

If we want to paint a stereotype of the Ideal Mars Hill Woman, she would first simply be honest about the condition of her heart.  The Apostle Paul is such a great example of this in the many letters he wrote to the young, fledgling New Testament churches.  In I Timothy 1:12-15, he lays it out very clearly. 

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. .. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.

Paul starts his letters under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit with an honest assessment of his sin.  And notice that, while he gives the humble general statement that he was the foremost of sinners, he also lists specific sins.  He doesn’t sugar coat it, and he doesn’t brush over it. 

In contrast, how many of us have spent significant portions of our lives paralyzed by fear of exposure?  We respond in groups by either clamming up or deflecting conversation because we don’t want anyone to know the depth of our issues.  And if we ever do give voice to our struggles, we sanitize it.  We don’t really want others to know how much we’re hurting right now.  And we don’t want anyone to know how much our sin has hurt others. 

Oh that we would be a church of humble women who are honest about our sin.  Instead, so often we are a mix of shame and pride.  We’re ashamed of ourselves because of what others have done to us and what we, in turn, have done to others.  And we’re too proud to admit it to anyone.  We must become women who value confession.   I don’t know where the saying originated that  “confession is good for the soul,” but I believe it’s a concept that is taught first in Scripture. 

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.  The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. (James 5:16 NASV) 

Do you notice the link between healing (which we all want) and confession?  We all want to be healed from the ugliness in our lives.  But are we first willing to confess-to admit, to acknowledge as true-the ugliness in our lives? 

During a recent discussion with an elder concerning the women at Mars Hill who come forward for counsel, he said, “Those women who come forward represent those brave enough to get help. They are only a small sampling of the whole body of women at MHC. The issues counselors see are experienced among so many to varying degrees who just can’t bring themselves to the place of exposure. The shame they have experienced and shaming they expect is too much, so they say nothing and stay hidden.”

Does that sound familiar to you?  Do you fall in that group?  God forbid that we hide in the shadows like Eve after her sin lest we be exposed as something other than our warped view of the Ideal Mars Hill woman.  In our depravity, we think the Ideal Mars Hill woman has it all together.  Instead, we must understand the first step is to be honest about our mess.  If you’re ready to stop faking it and value confession and honesty, there are many avenues for you to travel.  Here are some places to start. 

Pastoral counseling and redemption groups (sexual addiction, drug addiction, abortion) can be reached at care@marshillchurch.org.

Help for sexual and physical abuse, emotional and abandonment issues can be reached at gracegroups@marshillchurch.org.

Mutual honesty and accountability among women often starts in community groups. For the most up-to-date information and helpful assistance on getting connected to a group, check out the Life on Mars blog.

Confession begins the process of repentance. For a good Biblical exploration of the journey from sin to joy via confession and repentance to God, check out Grace Driscoll’s lesson from the January 2007 Women’s Training Day.

Psalm 32
1Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
2Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

3For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
4For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.
Selah

5I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,”
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.
Selah

I have had several women come recently to me concerned that they don’t match the stereotype of the Mars Hill woman.  That got me to think-what is that stereotype?  When I hear others discuss the “Mars Hill Woman”, I think I know what they are talking about.  I’m not going to describe her here, because I don’t want to hurt any woman who may fit that stereotype.  But I do want to shoot down the main myth I hear about the stereotypical Mars Hill woman. 

Myth
The godliest of Mars Hill women look great all the time, all have godly Boaz type husbands, and have the same convictions about childbirth, breastfeeding, education, dinner preparation, employment, and so forth. 

Truth
First of all, “godliest” is a bad label.  It implies we determine our godliness by comparing ourselves to others.  “She’s godlier than that other lady, so that makes her the godliest.”  Wrong!  Christ is our standard of perfection, and we all fall short of His glory.  The best analogy I’ve heard is that it is like someone stands on a sheet of paper and claims to be closer to the sun.  When we try to use the label “godliest”, we are equally absurd.

We have many godly, mature ladies at Mars Hill with great wisdom to offer their sisters in Christ.  The first quality of all of them is humility.  They realize their unworthiness and don’t hold their preferences on childbirth, breastfeeding, education, dinner prep, and so forth as anything for which to pat themselves on the back.  In fact, among the mature, Christ-like women I know at Mars Hill, there are diverse opinions on each of these issues.  Also, we have many godly women who are not married and/or do not have children.  These women too are humble servants, hospitable with their resources and Christ-like in their priorities.

I have definitely felt pressure from godly Mars Hill women.  But rather than feeling peer pressure to conform to some outward stereotype, I have felt pressure to know God, spend time in His Word, to pray, to be humble, to love my husband and children, and to embrace my role in their lives.  While I have gleaned great practical information on breastfeeding, education, childbirth, dinner prep, etc from these ladies, I haven’t felt pressure to conform to their image.  No-they point me to conform to Christ’s image (Romans 8:29).  In that light, I can receive their practical feedback on different topics, compare it to other research I’ve done, pray about it with my husband, and reach my own personal convictions from the Word based on how the Spirit is leading my family as He conforms us to the image of God. 

In light of all this, what are the true characteristics of the Ideal Mars Hill Woman? We’ll explore these in 3 weekly installments here on the Reforming the Feminine blog, starting Wednesday.