Once upon a time, I encouraged Christian parents to raise their children to be rebels.  I boldly continue to preach mutiny.

“…The times grew worse and worse, and soon the children heard their mother say to their father, “All is gone again.  We have but half a loaf left, and then we must starve.  The children must go; we will take them deeper into the wood, so that they may not find the way out this time.  It is the only way we can escape death ourselves.

The children had heard all this as they lay awake in bed …[Hansel] tried to comfort Grethel, saying, “Do not cry; sleep in peace; God will not forsake us.”  

(more…)

This last week has been a crazy one.

A good friend’s mom is in the hospital after 2 heart attacks. Another friend has just had surgery to remove a cancerous brain tumor, and another has said the final goodbye to her mom as Jesus took her home in her daughter’s arms.

For me, grieving and baking are intertwined, so I thought I would share one of my favorite recipes for chocolate cake (with no cholesterol I might add!), and some of the steps I’ve learned in the grieving process.

1. Grieving is ok, it is not a dumb, weak or selfish thing to do.
2. Crying is ok.
3. Figure out how you let your stress and grief out, and allow yourself time to do it.
4. Find someone you can talk with about your grief, whether a good friend or a counselor. Sometimes it’s necessary to talk with someone outside of the situation, as they can have insights into things you would never see.
5. Remember, grieving takes time, don’t expect to just “OK” a few days, or a month, or even a year or years.
6. Most importantly, spend time with Jesus. Pray openly and honestly. Read your Bible, as cliché as that sounds. If it’s too much to read, ask someone to read to you.

I really wanted to try and intertwine cake and grief, but it just didn’t work in words. I will say this though, as I’m typing, a low-fat chocolate cake sits on the table next to me.

Recipe

Ingredients:
1 1/4 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 tablespoon white vinegar
1/3 cup Hershey’s cocoa
6 tablespoons extra-light corn oil spread
1 cup Skim milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Spray two 8-inch round pans with cooking spray. In bowl, stir flour, cocoa and baking soda. In saucepan, melt corn oil spread; stir in sugar. Remove from heat. Add milk, vinegar and vanilla to mixture in saucepan, stir. Add dry ingredients, whisk until well blended. Pour evenly into pans. Bake 20 minutes or until wooden pick inserted comes out clean. Cool.

By Nadia
Previously published in Vox Pop’s March 2007 issue.

Oh, it’s among us. It is unchecked. It is ravenous. They couch it in all kinds of subtle words and try to downplay it all the time. They say that our church is ‘predominantly single,’ lulling you into a false sense of security via majority. They say that our cultural trend, especially in Seattle, is increasingly single, and decreasingly married, as if numbers once in our favor will stay that way permanently.

But let’s face the cold hard facts, amigos. Marriage is a flat out epidemic at Mars Hill, a flat out EPIDEMIC. And if you’re not careful (more…)

IF…

1. You regularly spend all day before your community group preparing your home for 15 - 20 friends and strangers to converge on your furniture, living space, kitchen, and personal space;
2. You have begged, pleaded, and even cried to get your group to bring food each week and now you’re at your wit’s end and spending over your personal food budget each week;
3. You have realized that when you used to think your spiritual gift of hospitality was a wonderful reason to have people in your home, in actuality it has meant wine stains on your carpet, dishes broken by well-meaning college guys trying to help clean-up, and lonely single people hanging around til all hours of the night because unlike you, they do not have a family to go home to once the group is over;

Ladies, you know who you are … if one or all of the above applies to you, you may be a Burned-Out Community Group Hostess!

Ha, as if this were news to you, right? The thing is, if you have grown tired of people in and out who aren’t respecting your home, your family, and your things and if you feel as though your hospitality is taken advantage of week after week, you are probably quite aware of your growing bitterness. It’s your husband or group leader, and probably the attenders of your group who are oblivious to your growing frustration. The worst part is that it seems selfish to feel bitter about something that you probably also feel called to do. Doesn’t anyone understand how you spend all day setting up chairs, making cookies, cleaning the bathroom, and hiding your favorite cookware wedding presents so that they aren’t accidentally ruined in the dishwasher by a groupie with good intentions? Don’t they realize that you too have a life and although you want to serve, you want to see others open up and feel welcomed, that you also have needs and one of them is to feel respected by the people you so consistently serve?

It may be surprising to you that I am actually not a community group hostess. So perhaps all of the above is completely untrue and all 150 of you hostesses have no frustration or trials with your community group. If so, great! However as I have watched my own group grow together I have seen how sometimes it’s really easy for those of us who simply attend a group to take all that the hostess does for granted. So if the above describes you even a little bit, I think you should know you are not alone! And instead of letting the enemy rob you of the joy of serving your group, take a few minutes to think about how to practically work out some of your frustrations so that you can once again truly enjoy being part of a community and feel like one of the most important and respected members of your group - because you are!

A few guidelines for staying sane as a hostess that I humbly offer (because like I said, I currently do not host, although I have in the past)…

1. Repent of bitterness. Yes, really! If you are feeling bitter toward your group or certain people in your group, give it to Jesus and repent! Recognize if you are being prideful in your service or self-righteous. Remember that as Christian women we are called to be merciful and James says that “mercy triumphs over judgment.” Don’t be like Martha in your service and become indignant when others are not stepping up the way you think they should.

2. Establish clear boundaries around your time and home. That said, you also should not feel like you have to let group members walk all over you and your home. Sit down with your group coach and leader and pray through some of the issues you are having. Come up with some solutions and graciously present them to the group. Be loving and firm, and know that just because you’ve opened your home does not mean that you have to give attendees free reign of your time and possessions. When issues come up (knives and pans put in the dishwasher, food left on the floor, chairs left unstacked at the end of the night, a parking situation that is irritating your neighbors and compromising your witness to them, groupies staying too late into the night and interfering with your child’s sleep schedule…) write them down and be willing to address them once or twice a month. If you feel you cannot do it without sounding accusatory, ask the leader to include this in announcements. “Please do not park in front of the blue house across the street. The mom with five kids who lives there has specifically asked that we leave her parking space open.”

3. Delegate. As the hostess, remember that you cannot do it all. Your obligation to your group comes after your commitment to Jesus, to your husband, and to other close relationships in your life. Rely on others in the group to choose food themes each week and then delegate specific items to each person bringing food. Our group’s system has worked well for a few months: each week 3 people bring food. They bring specific items for a specific theme which end up costing about $15. For example, we have a baked potato bar and one person brings potatoes, one brings toppings, and the last brings salad. Delegate writing prayer requests down and emailing them out. Create a system for catching contact info from new people and have another person manage that so that you aren’t continually bombarded with requests for “the new person from three weeks ago email address”.

4. Participate! Don’t let your focus be so much on hostess that you don’t get to actively engage and participate in group discussion. The whole point of community group is to be involved in the body of believers who grow together, but if you are always getting up to get a glass of water or start a pot of coffee, you’ll miss out on some great chill time with people who should be near and dear to your heart. Be sure to take the time to be like Mary and sit at Jesus’ feet. See the people who come into your home with His eyes and be willing to listen to their stories, their pain, and their laughter. Then reciprocate and share your story, your pain, and laugh with them.

So the next time a college guy offers to wash dishes and you worry that if he breaks another glass in the sink you’ll be down to only 2 from the set that started out as a set of 12…. ask him if he’d like to serve the group instead by setting up a group blog, taking down prayer requests, or arriving early to set up chairs. Hostesses: Do you have any words of wisdom or advice for other hostesses? I’m sure they would love to hear anything you’ve found to make your job easier…

By Nadia 

Lately I have been looking up blogs about Mars Hill and about Pastor Mark. I’ve learned a lot. And I’m realizing we, the body of Mars Hill, may be lacking in our blogging education somewhat. At least I have been. I don’t know that very many of us know how to truly blog sensationally. So I spent some in-depth time researching (which I soon discovered is one of the first no-nos of the Sensational Post), and now present to you (more…)

Last Sunday morning, a small redheaded girl squinted her face into a sustained grin that barely revealed her two emerging front teeth; another young boy walked four consecutive steps toward open arms, a three-step improvement from the previous week; and a pastor’s son showed me how to stack colored plastic Fisher-Price rings on the stand in order, displaying his rapidly growing cognitive skills. And these are only three of the gem moments of getting to serve Mars Hill parents by caring for the infants in the nursery each week.

Several months ago, God tugged me into serving in the nursery when my best friend found out that she and her husband were expecting a baby this October. I didn’t even remember how to hold a baby, much less comfort and entertain one. The kicker came when I suddenly realized that most of my friends were going to be in that “expecting” bracket within the next several years.

One of the most rewarding things I’ve done at Mars Hill has been serving in the nursery. Looking back, the children’s ministry has been a small taste of pseudo training for parenthood and a glimpse into the families of Mars Hill. And I have to tell you, I have a new respect for parents and mothers.

As our church grows to new campuses and more services, we are in need of many more volunteers to serve in the children’s ministry, among other ministries in need of increased help. Pastor Scott Thomas recently posted an article in Pastor’s Prayers about this specific need. If you are considering volunteering or wondering how to get involved, walk up to the Serve desk and they would be happy to help get you plugged in. Speaking from experience, I think you’ll be glad you did.

All my struggles are mental.  They may start out as physical issues (like those I encounter with diabetes or sleep deprivation) or relational issues (like tension with a spouse, coworker, or child), but they always end up as mental battles.  My success or failure in each circumstance ALWAYS comes down to how I handle it in my head.  

My mental battles usually all boil down to fear and fatigue.  As a teenager, I was insecure-lacking confidence, anxious, doubting myself.  As a single twenty-something, I faced depression-feelings of sadness, guilt, helplessness, and hopelessness-thinking that all hopes for the future hung on getting married and having kids, which I felt powerless to accomplish on my own.  As a married thirty-something, I faced depression again-this time after miscarrying and having problems getting pregnant.  Once again, I hung my hopes for the future on building a physical family.  Of late, I’ve battled insecurity and depression yet again.  It doesn’t matter that I have my family, a comfortable home, and a fulfilling ministry at church.  I still have mental battles.

This latest round of mental battles has taught me important truths.  First and foremost, we CANNOT peg our hopes for overcoming our mental battles on a change in our circumstances.  

      If only that guy would call me .
      If only my husband would do X .
      If only I wasn’t so sick .
      If only I could lose 10 pounds .
      If only they’d offer me a better job .
      If only my kids would obey me .

If you rely on circumstantial change to get you out of a mental funk, I’m here to tell you, any mental relief you get will be short-lived.  The 2nd thing I’ve learned (and it is tied to the first) is that the answer to fighting mental battles is NOT to work harder to solve your situation or spend more time analyzing your options.  

What is the answer?  For me, there is ONE THING that helps me mentally.  It is to step back and get a view of the big picture-i. e. the character of God and His kingdom purposes for us.  God is sovereign, compassionate, and wise.  In other words, He’s in control, He loves us, and He knows what He’s doing.  When my kids don’t obey me, God still rules over all.  When I’m overwhelmed by my inability to do all I need to do, God’s kingdom purposes will still be accomplished.  When I’m stressed by conflict with a loved one, God still rules over the hearts of men and His plan to conform us to His image still stands.  

God is doing His work.  His purposes will be accomplished.  But Satan’s lies permeate this world and, often, my mind.  So I have to do exactly what Paul told the Corinthians to do in 2 Cor. 10:5.

2 Corinthians 10:5 “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

I love the picture here-I think of it in terms of a rodeo.  Picture a big ring with animals of various sizes and strengths haphazardly running around.  Then the cowboy walks in with his lasso, ropes an animal, and brings it down.  Some are baby calves that are easy to take captive.  Others are raging bulls that only come down with fierce, determined strength.  By the Spirit’s empowerment, this is my job-lasso in thoughts that don’t jive with God’s Word and make them submit to the truth of Scripture.  

The big lie that runs around in my head in various forms is that God isn’t in control, my life is on the verge of going to hell in a hand basket, and if I don’t work fast and take control of everything myself, I’m lost.  I must identify that lie and lasso it in.  It has to submit to the truth-God is sovereign, He knows what He’s doing, and He is in control of the details of my life.  My need isn’t to think fast and do something, but to abide in Him, rest, and wait patiently on Him to work.

What is your big mental battle?  Can you identify both the lie and the truth from Scripture that refutes it?  If so, please feel free to share it here.     

1. Shoot from the hip. And do this without the wisdom from your Bible. Because, let’s be honest, you probably know more about life and situations than the Book that God wrote does.

2. Only give advice that you would take, and disagree with everyone else that has other advice about it. If you wouldn’t do it, neither should other people - even if the thing you wouldn’t do, is the righteous thing to do.

3. Let your emotions and scars from past, reign in your advice. Face it:  If you were hurt, most likely everyone else will get hurt too.

4. Rely on your feelings, instead of Scripture. Heart before head! Your emotions are always right, even if it compromises what Jesus says.

5. If you’re stuck, just think WWOS? WHAT WOULD OPRAH SAY?

I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord. Philippians 4:2

This summer I have fought with two of my dear friends.

It has been sheer pain. I have seen parts of myself and them that are ugly and I never wanted to know about. And yet there has been grace involved in these inevitable fights between sinners. Also I have learned a lot about fighting to help me for the next round.

Don’t get me wrong; this is hardly an exhaustive list. (more…)

Quality friendships are so important they enrich our lives in a way that no other relationship can. Whether you want to make some new friends or deepen the friendships you already have, here are a few tips on how to be a good friend.

10. Know your friend’s love language whether male or female, as individuals we give and receive love in different ways. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a great book that goes into depth on different ways we give and receive love. Are your actions toward your friends loving? Are you seeking to love them in the ways that they want to be loved and ways that are the most meaningful to them? (more…)