I can’t wait for you to get here. I wish you could talk right when you are born so you can tell us what it’s like to live in my belly.

We pray for you, that you love Jesus. We pray that your heart will be soft even in my womb. Maybe you’ll experience what John the Baptist experienced in his mother’s womb. There’s something I wish you could tell me about!

You’re gonna love your family. You have a super fun daddy! He’ll play with you a lot and make things with you. He plays video games, so you can bet on having all the game consoles to play with. You lucky duck. If daddy didn’t play video games, I don’t think I would get you anything but perhaps the Wii. He’s a really good story teller too. I think he learned it from your grandpa.

My heart is scared for the lack of sleep I’ll have and the lack of alone time I’ll have, but I think we’ll have a lot of fun together.

Your room is probably never going to be ready… but we are ready to have you in our lives.

I love you, little man.

I gotta tell you ladies, being pregnant has given me some good excuses to eat. I don’t know if it’s legit, but I’ve heard countless times, “It’s okay, you’re pregnant.”

Dude, there is no way that eating all of what I want is OKAY!!

Here’s a list for you of what I want to eat/what I actually eat:

1. Coke: It has never tasted so good. I never used to drink Coke.
2. Twix: Is not even that good… too sweet!
3. Crepe with chocolate and ice cream: Do I need to explain?
4. Bread: I can eat a whole loaf by myself. Easy.
5. Snickers ice cream bar: The most tasty treat ever.
6. Cheeseburgers: McDonalds or Dicks. Either will do.
7. Fries: Always.
8. Sundaes: What? What sundae? It’s not chocolate on my mouth, it’s marker.

Yeah, there’s protein and veggies mixed in there everyday… but not enough compared to all of the crap above.

I’m telling you… I love food. I think it’s become an idol for me. I need to go pray and read my bible.

Bye.

I noticed that our blog has been linking to some “Mars Hill has dangerous theology” blogs. Previous this post, I don’t think I would of ever written about anything controversial, because of the fear of negative comments, fear of challenge and fear of rejection. But today as I write, I’m okay with all of that. The only thing that matters is this: Bringing glory to Jesus.

Women staying home issue: As a mother to be, I am looking forward to being home with my baby boy! If my husband is able to provide for our family without additional income from me, I believe that would be a huge blessing. Mars Hill does not command women to stay home with their kids and give up their dreams, but Jesus does command us to not idolize anything. What is easy to idolize? Power? A degree? Success? Marriage? A man? Your kids? Being a perfect stay at home mom? Natural child birth? How much weight breast feeding can help you lose?

So how do we bring glory to Jesus with this topic? If we are convicted that staying home with our children is a blessing and a command… sweet! If our husbands and ourselves are okay with working or going to school while we’re raising our children… sweet. Shouldn’t we support our brothers and sisters in Christ, whichever decision they make as long as it doesn’t violate scripture? And if there is idolatry going on, aren’t we commanded to talk about it and address it in love with scripture? If the Holy Spirit is convicting one of us that we are in sin, shouldn’t we listen while they share [with open ears], instead of immediately attacking each others’ theology?

We all have convictions, some the same and some different. Praise God for sending his Holy Spirit to live in us in our daily lives so we have the opportunity to worship Jesus - individually and together.

I’ve been convicted of sin: Previously, as a covenant member of Mars Hill Church, I allowed myself to be swayed in different directions of so called doctrine or dogma issues. But as I 100% agree and am in line with Mars Hill’s “closed hand” theology, (and as we go through the member renewal process,) I am 100% convicted to start supporting my church family.

Ladies that write for this blog: Thank you for putting your life in a place where others can see it. As we all continue this process of learning more about Jesus and how to be more like Him, I hope we can keep writing about our struggles with honesty.

May Jesus be glorified.

I miss Jeanne. I miss her smile, her cooking, her encouragement, her steadiness, her morning coffee, her glasses she wore when she read her bible on her big orange couch… I even miss watching her clean. I was only her daughter for such a short time. I didn’t have much time to get to know her, but I still think I got to know the very best of her. I can’t imagine how much other people must miss her, all those people that knew her for so much longer and deeper.

In those 3 years I’ve known her, she became my role model, almost immediately. I wanted to be like her. I wanted to learn from her, I wanted to watch her. Maybe, just maybe… if I could of watched her longer, I could have become more like her.

I miss her more when things are wrong. She used to make things right. She had a way to calm people down, to give encouragement, to make situations lighter. I started feeling sorry for myself. If only I had another wise woman I could be close to. If only I could have replaced Mom with another mom. If only I was closer to older women at church that are wise and gentle like her.

Then, I realized something. The thing that made Jeanne so wonderful and beautiful was Jesus. And He’s still here.

And, when I worship Jesus, it’s what she’s doing too! It’s almost like we’re still hangin’ out.

I read from Hosea the other day. His wife was whoring around, but Hosea loved her and didn’t leave her (Hosea 1:2, 3:1).

…I will make you lie down in safety.
And I will betroth you to me forever,
I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice,
in steadfast love and in mercy.
I will betroth you to me in faithfulness.
And you shall know the Lord.
(Hosea 2:18-20)

I never wanted to relate myself to Hosea’s wife, yet we have very similar husbands. Because my husband is faithful, I know the Lord. Hosea probably had times when he wanted to let his wife go - cheating and whoring, but he obeys God. He’s facing judgment and shame from his friends, but he loves her.

Thank you, my love, for being Hosea to me. For showing me Jesus through your love.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to trick you with a “How To” title, because, I’m not going to be telling you how to make a budget and keep it. I need help with it. I know technically, if I sit down with my husband and write a budget, I could just follow it, and save money, but it seems like it’s a lot harder to keep a budget, than to talk about it.

So I need some advice from ya’ll. Men and women are welcome to comment.

What do you do to make a budget, and HOW in the world do you stick with it?!

because that means they will know me. They will have facts to judge me with. They will be better than me. They will ruin me!

What is this unhealthy crap that is going through my head? I’ve been struggling with not wanting to open up to girls the past year. When my husband and I first came to Mars Hill, I liked it. No one knew me, no one knew my past, no one could judge me because no one knew me. And now, people hang out at our house, people watch me play music and people ask me questions. It’s not ‘my own business’ anymore. It’s community. Not only is this community nice to me, sometimes we even talk about the real crap. Our pasts, our sins and sometimes even poo. So it’s really a wonderful thing… this community. But it’s still really hard.

But the things we really like at Mars Hill, like children and marriages, seems to cause problems in my relationships outside of the church with my girlfriends. I find myself hurting often from the disagreements with women who think marriage is wrong from anyone under 26, or from women saying having a baby when you’re young and married is something you should be afraid of. I have my support from the God fearing family in my church, but why does the lack of support from girlfriends from outside the church hurt me so much? Why am I trying to get approval from these girls that don’t love Jesus? From these girls that don’t even know me anymore?

Man, I really need Jesus. I’m sick of trying to look good to… these people.

Hallelujah!

Seems like “Barefoot and Pregnant” is used as an insult, but I don’t mind it!

First of all, I have always loved being barefoot. We never wore shoes in our house, and shoes always made my feet stink. I never really liked socks either. If I could, I would walk around barefoot all the time. (Except outside, because it kind of hurts.)
Second of all, having a baby is a blessing for me, my husband and my family.  The reason I feel like it’s necessary to clarify that a baby is blessing is because I’ve already gotten “You’re chained for life,” “I can’t believe you want to have a baby,” and “Why do you want to have a baby already?” comments from some friends and people I know. Tip to those who like saying those comments:  Don’t say it anymore when the girl is actually pregnant because you don’t know if the sweet girl that wouldn’t fight back with you ever before just may scratch you and yell a little. It’s funny how my priorities changed so quick. My natural instinct is to protect the little growing alien in my tummy, and I will run over and destroy anything that puts it in danger! I feel like a wild lion mommy or something. RAAWWRR!!!!! But FYI, I can promise I won’t scratch.
I am crazy. I am passionate and intense (if you haven’t noticed already).  Being passionate can be a great thing, but when it’s mixed with intensity and craziness — it equals a stomach ulcer and heartburn.  Since I’ve been of legal drinking age, I’ve been drinking alcohol to unwind and chill out.  When I had a stressful day, if I had a glass of wine, I could forget about why I’m so stressed.  Issues weren’t really issues anymore after a glass of wine.  

I also used to smoke almost every time I drank alcohol.  It was pretty awesome to be able to have a drink, and have a smoke with people from church.  The other day, I went to a show, and I wanted to smoke.  Not because I like inhaling cigarettes, but because I missed the social part of standing outside, laughing, joking and talking to people and getting to know them!  I’m not saying you can’t get to know someone inside a house, sitting down with a glass of yummy flavored water.  But there is something about smoking with someone and just being okay with how different we are.  I think it is safe to say that for me - getting to know people outside, with a cig in hand, helped cut out (more…)

If you look at the right sidebar, you can sort our posts by author. There’s several of us all writing and we all come from different walks with our unifying thread really being our Savior Jesus Christ. And that we’re all women. Candice has been writing for awhile, but if you weren’t here from the start you may not know anything about our writers. Without further ado, here’s Candice:

Some quick history:

- Born in Redmond, Washington to a 36-year-old Korean lady.
- One sister, that is six years older than me. (Hi Unni! I write for the women’s blog!)
- Learned how to play my first song on my violin when I was 4.
- And got really good when I was 5. Just kidding.
- Got chubby when I was 7 from all the McDonalds my dad let me eat in the morning.
- Met God in 1998 and wanted to serve him - moralistically if that’s a word
- Started doing drugs when I was 16 and lost all the McDonalds weight.
- Mom and God saved my life by pulling me out of the drugs.
- Went to Northwest University for 1.5 years
- Met John at school my first year.
- Became aware of what kind of man Jesus is through dating John and his family.
- Married him April 22, 2006, at 19 years old.

Some current events: (more…)

I became a “Christian” when I was 12. My dad had left, found a new family to be dad to, and I found comfort in God being a perfect dad. I prayed to God, I loved God, I surrendered my life to God.

What confuses me now is - Where was Jesus in all this? Did I ever know between the age of 12 and 21, that Jesus is what makes being a christian, Christian? (more…)