“Now we see but a poor reflection, as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.” 1 Corinthians 13:12

Today was Candice’s day to post, but I just got word she’s gone into labor (!) so y’all can pray for her delivery of baby Harley.

My sister-in-law is a week past-due and they’ll probably induce her this afternoon and make my little niece come out into the world. Grandma said, “poor thing, if I were her I wouldn’t want to face a Manitoba winter, either!”

On Saturday, my dear cousin got married. It was a huge family affair; I was the reception host, 3 of my sisters catered the entire thing and another sister was the photographer. There were relatives and friends everywhere from as far as Lebanon and London, and it was a very joyful time. Still, when I got my aunt to take me to where the bride was hiding before the wedding so I could give her one last hug, I was completely shocked that I suddenly burst into uncontrollable tears. Goodbye, maidenhood friend. (more…)

I was emailing a friend this week, and I actually burst out laughing when I typed that.  It was like seeing truth in a new light, and I couldn’t help myself.  It caused me to reflect on all the healing that Jesus had effected in my life, because three little words can change your life.  Remember the most famous?  ”It is finished.”  (John 19:30).

In a twisted simile with the same connotation, 3 little words changed my life forever following a confrontation with my husband after exposing his extramarital affair.  A fairly new Christian, I remember sitting on my knees on the bed, thinking, ”I can’t believe how much worse life has gotten since I gave my life to Jesus!”  Minutes later, 3 little words from my beloved’s lips would haunt me for a very long time.  I will never forget the tone, the pitch, the pause, the delivery, the articulation. 

The answer.

“Don’t you love me anymore?”

(four second pause)

“No.  I don’t.”

Everything was slow motion, so it wasn’t like feeling an immediate, vicious puncture wound.  The incision through my heart was premeditated; a slow, deliberate slash.  Almost methodical.  But it was a dagger gash.  Messy.  Very messy for my children and I.  The words would wash in an out like the tide, for a long time.  

Fast forward.  Separation.  Divorce.  His new marriage would propel a journey of single parenting my then 2 and 3 year old for seven years.  My heart wound began a tumultuous cycle.   Scab, fester, heal, infect.  Scab, fester, heal, infect.  An occasional bust open.  Like the time my little boy asked the UPS man if he was his daddy.  That one took a long time to stitch up.

Fast forward.

Bliss!  My savior had arrived!  A terrific Christian man who wanted to marry me!  Reducing my previous marriage to worldly love, I knew this man would bring me closer to the ideallic Mary Poppins marriage I had dreamed of.  You know, practically perfect in every way.  We were both Christian, after all.

Fast forward. 

 A handful of Christian women studying The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace.  (A great book on wife-ing.)  We are studying the chapter on sex, and the leader naively passes me by (with my second trimester belly) by commenting, “Well, obviously you have no problems in this department!”  Do they notice that everyone is laughing but me?  No, they don’t.  Because, despite my Mary Poppins smile, I am working a familiar pattern.  Scab, fester, heal, infect.  Scab, fester, heal, infect…

* * *

In each of our lives, the drama of sin and suffering plays itself out.  It may be a secret struggle that is growing more difficult.  It may be a relationship that is increasingly conflicted.  The horrors of the past rear their ugly heads.

Honesty compels us to admit that we are people who need help, surrounded by people in the same situation.  There are things inside of us that simply don’t go away.  We do wrong things, feel regret, confess them, resolve not to repeat them, but, in the heat of the moment, go on to exactly what we promised ourselves we wouldn’t.

God has called us to be part of His kingdom work, but he hasn’t given us a phoney Mary Poppins polish, or a quick pamphlet, “5 Steps to the Perfect Relationship.”  He has told us to place our hope in the presence and work of Jesus the Redeemer.  We find we are utterly dependent on His power and wisdom for change in any of our relationships, because “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way” (Is. 53:6).  It was completely encouraging when, during a time of complete humility and failure, Jesus reminded me that all mankind, all marriages, were in the same boat as me, really, and that no matter what any marriage looked like on the outside, no matter how much lacquer a couple may goop on, the truth remains we are all selfish, sinful wives married to selfish sinful husbands.  Their transparency was irrelevant on some level.  What I believed about Jesus and how I aligned my mind with Scripture would be the only important difference.

My husband and I have stumbled, tripped, lost many battles, and yet are winning the war.  Our marriage is tight and growing tighter, despite the fact that from time to time we blame each other for our own sins, as well as the past sins of others. 

The Christian life is a long obedience in the same direction.  The Bible is more than an encyclopedia of therapeutic insights, like,  ”Where can I find a verse on (fill in the blank)”.  Our only hope in any relationship rests on the Person, Jesus Christ, and His salvation plan to rescue us.  We are quicker to the cross as a couple, and more willing to be humiliated in front of one another.  I have watched my husband go from a deflated football, to the winningest QB in our home.  As a couple, we are hopeless and helpless as husband and wife, man and woman.  We need rescue from our own self-sufficiency and wisdom and a transport to a kingdom where Jesus is central and true hope is alive. 

I am haunted more often by the Bible and words of God, than the foolish words of man.  ”No.  I don’t“, holds absolutely no power anymore.  When Pastor Mark was teaching through Nehemiah, God reminded me to,   “Have a mind to work, Shelly, on your relationships.”  (Nehemiah 4:6).   Which incidentally is a great prayer.    

We feel as if we have a permanent trowel in one hand (building our home for Jesus fame), and a sword in the other (exalting and living and believing the Word).  (Nehemiah 4:17).  We’ve made dozens of marriage and parenting mistakes.  And still, we win the war.  A long obedience in the same direction, and knowing our community at Mars Hill Church is all doing the same, and no one has a Mary Poppins marriage.  

Pastor Mark’s new series on The Peasant Princess, in Song of Songs is sure to scratch a few scabs for all of us.  I know in the end it will encourage more growth, more humility, and deeper love in all of our relationships, because worldly love is our default under a Curse.

Thank you Jesus Christ, for picking off the scabs.  For saving me from myself, from hurting my husband, and for eternity.

Thank you Pastor Mark, for your undaunting love of Scripture, uncovering festers in our marriages. 

Thank You, Father God, for a design to heal us.

Use us, sweet Jesus through the Holy Spirt, to give us (as C.S. Lewis put it), the Good Infection to others around.

Thank you that I can laugh at the title of this post.  And be eternally thankful that it’s true.

Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed;

Save me and I will be saved,

For Thou art my praise.

Jeremiah 17:14

What does respecting your husband look like? Tami Hagglund answers this question personally.

Falling in love with my amazing husband, Jason, was easy. He loves Jesus and has loved me with unconditional love that I could not have dreamed up had I tried.  While dating we conversed incessantly about how our marriage would be, acknowledging that it would require a lot of hard work but believing ourselves too mature to argue about meaningless nonsense like “those” couples.

We recently celebrated our one year anniversary, and I can’t tell you how many times we have fought over stupid things like his driving or him falling asleep when we’re watching a TV show on the DVR (he always expects me to rewind!), not to mention the fact that I leave clothes everywhere - the kitchen, the bathroom, the couch… honestly, pretty much everywhere but the closet.  We’ve intentionally worked on communication and have grown in our ability to step away from such lameness quickly and forgive one another.

What is much harder is dealing with idols, of which I seem to have too many to count.  I’ve seen his heart break when I confess sins related to my battle with obesity. I’ve bitterly resented him when he bungled the finances and we were charged with an overdraft and my idol of financial security was threatened.  One scary evening I screamed – SCREAMED – at him when he suggested that to save money maybe we should consider (more…)

By Tera Miller

Before coming to know Jesus at the age of 27, I had my fare share of relationships with men of a different character than what I’m attracted to now as a Christian.  Just as God has been transforming my heart, He has been transforming how I consider men for potential relationship.  It’s not a science or a checklist by any means, but here are six ways in which God has changed my heart and opened my eyes.

First, as a non-believer my former goal for relationship with men was simply to date and have a good time. There was no intention of anything more than that, but perhaps if it did turn into a long committed relationship, it would be considered a bonus.  My thinking was short-term and narrow.  I didn’t question whether he would be a good husband, good father, or good leader.  I only needed to know if he was a good date or possibly a good boyfriend.  Now I value legacy and how a man would lead our family as well as whether I would be willing to follow him and submit to his mission for the rest of my life.

Second, I used physical and sexual attraction as my gage for desirability.  I felt desired by men when they pursued me physically, and in turn, I showed my attraction for men by advancing sexually.  Although physical attraction is still important and sexual intimacy will be enjoyed in the covenant of marriage, I now find great value in emotional and spiritual compatibility and feel most desired when a man pursues the hidden parts of my heart, fulfilling my deepest longing to be fully known and fully loved.

Before becoming a Christian, I didn’t know what sin was nor that I was indulging in it.  So looking back, I can see that the third consideration I used was whether someone would join me in my sin.  I wanted someone who would allow me to be selfish, hide in half truths, and manipulate the situation.  I was attracted to men who were slaves to their own sin so they couldn’t hold my sin against me.  Today I want a man who is both aware of and repulsed by his sinful heart, and is eager to confess and repent of his sin.  I also want a man who is loving and bold enough to call out my sin and to not be content with my unrepentant heart. 

Fourth, I used to think that it didn’t matter what other people thought of my relationship as long as he treated me well when we were alone together.  That meant that he could be a different person to my friends, disrespect me in public, and not be liked by my family.  Today I see community as a blessing and wise counsel.  To bring a relationship before the people that know me and love me is a way for me to receive guidance and assure that I am protected.  I want my future husband to be the same person to me as he is to my friends, my family, our community and complete strangers.  I want to be able to see his character in different situations and how he chooses to respond.  I also value the accountability from brothers and sisters who are looking out for my best interest and helping to make sure our relationship is glorifying to God.

The fifth variance in my view of men is the concept that I now want a man to make me holy, not simply happy.  There is nothing wrong with the emotion of happiness, however if that is my goal above all else, I will not be as willing to be transformed for God’s purpose because I will avoid anything that takes me away from happiness.  I believe God brings great joy even in the midst of intense pain and suffering.  And when I am seeking to be more like Jesus, I will be faced with many times of unhappiness for the sake of holiness.  I want a man who will choose our holiness even when it’s hard, may result in disappointment, or be anything but happy.

The sixth and final point actually encompasses all of the prior five.  It all comes down to worshipping myself as god.  I thought selfishly and narrowly, seeking immediate pleasure and did whatever I wanted at that moment.  I used to live for my plan but now I live for God’s plan.  Likewise, I want a man who is seeking God’s plan and will live it out in our relationship and in the rest of his life.

God has a plan that is far greater than I could ever imagine for myself.  And the question isn’t How does God fit into my plan?, it’s How do I fit into God’s plan?  I want a man who believes that and is after my heart because he is first after God’s own heart.

By Liz Pak. Liz originally wrote A Desperate Housewife Comes Clean, a post that generated a huge buzz. Since that time she posted once more, but we are proud to announce she will be a regular writer on the blog now. As soon as she recovers from birthing Baby 2, that is. Congratulations, Liz!!

I was not raised in a Christian home. My childhood was marked with lots of yelling and fighting and scary moments. I had such an unnatural fear of my parents that when I became a first-time mom over a decade later I swore I would never repeat the same sins to my own children.
 
I was so thankful for Jesus, but so prideful that He had saved me. I thought that once I had His righteousness I would not only be free from sin but free of sin.  I thought that being a new creation meant that I was a new sinless and perfect me. I would have perfect friends and a perfect house and a perfect husband in a perfect marriage. But most of all I would be a perfect mom. I would not make the same mistakes my mom made. I would not sin like her. I would be different because I had Jesus.
 
And then I kept having these moments. Moments when I am so mad at my child that I cannot discipline her because I might hurt her. Moments when I am angry and lonely and taking out my frustrations on my toddler because she is the only other person in the cold empty house.  Moments when I am screaming at her in the driveway and instead of being convicted of my sinful cruelty I am thinking “I hope no one is watching because then they will know how un-perfect I am”.  I had so many of these moments. I had them every week, sometimes two days in a row, sometimes several even within the same day.

My worst nightmare has come true: I have become my mother. I have inherited her sinful nature and I am hurting my daughter. History is repeating itself. God has entrusted her to me to care and provide for, to protect against evil doers. And yet here I am, the kind of evil person she needs protection from.
 
How does Jesus change my story? How is my journey different from my mother’s?
 
Another one of those moments. I am yelling at my daughter during her evening bath, chastising her when she is at her most vulnerable, wet and tired with soap in her eyes, sitting in a tub of water. She looks at me with tearful eyes. “Why mama?” she seems to say.
 
I take my daughter up in my arms and wrap her in a warm towel. We go sit in the special rocking chair in her room. She snuggles in against my hugely pregnant belly and I feel her brother wriggling inside me.
 
“I’m sorry Kayla.” I whisper. “Mama is sinning against you in her anger. I should not have yelled at you. You did nothing wrong. I should not have taken my frustration out on you. I ask forgiveness. Can you forgive me?”
 
She pulls her thumb out of her mouth long enough to mumble “Yes, Mama.”
 
“I love you.”
 
“Losh you.”
 
This is the sanctification that is only possible in Christ. It is the kind of forgiveness and reconciliation that I long for with my own mother. And while that is one relationship where I may never have closure, by God’s grace I can now experience it with my own daughter.
  
My story is different because it is not my story. It is God’s story and it belongs to Him because I belong to Him. He will redeem it for His glory and for my good and for my children’s good. I still have my sinful nature and it wars inside me against the Holy Spirit that dwells there too. I am not the perfect mom and I do not have my own righteousness to lean on. But I belong to a perfect God and He will take care of me, and of my family, just like he cares for all His children and works all things out for the good of those who love Him.