Reward for Lost God

Hebrews 11:6 - And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

In a season when my Bible has not been read in saintly quantity, small verses have been laying heavy on my heart. 

I look at my lack of Bible reading, I look at my neglected relationship with Jesus, I look at my feelings of inadequacy as I am consistently falling short of where I ought to be with my Savior. And it has recently struck me that it is a faith-issue, not a laziness issue.

Hebrews 11:6 really socks me. What is faith? I have always thought I have the gift of faith. I mean, I believe in God. You can’t talk me out of it.

…because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists…

This is easy for me. I know God is there. I know that Jesus is God incarnate. I know that. I believe it, through and through. Of course he exists. He’s huge, he’s powerful, he made everything, he’s strong, he can do anything he wants, he knows all, sees all, is terrible and awesome, and so on. There is no shaking this with me. 

…and that he rewards those that earnestly seek him. 

This other half of faith makes me want to cry. I am so weak here, so full of doubt. How often do I feel totally alone in my day, like God is off doing his big work in the sky and I am in a dark trench just trying to stay alive? How often do I half-heartedly open my Bible thinking, “I wonder if I will get anything at all today?” How often do I wonder “what is the point?” about prayer, thinking “he’ll hear me, because he knows everything, but he probably won’t say anything back.”

Honestly, despite my confident manner, head-full of Bible trivia and life-long relationship with the Lord, I often feel like God hides himself. Perhaps he does sometimes. But accompanying that thought is the idea in my brain that God is too important to show himself to me, and that he wouldn’t bother. 

This kind of half-heartedness is sin. This kind of despair is sin. I think I am going to protect myself from disappointment by not hoping too much, and doubting whether he’ll show himself. Already, my heart and soul are not being earnest. This is sin.  

God REWARDS those who earnestly seek him! It is an affront to his character to not believe that. God is so good - he will show himself to those who are looking for him! 

I won’t pretend there aren’t many factors that were out of my control that have fed into this subconscious soul supposition that God is way off doing his own thing and too busy with more needy people or creating new solar systems than to be bothered with noticing that I am looking for and need him. There are a lot of reasons.

But one of those reasons is NOT God’s track record with me or anyone else who has truly sought him. From the highest manifestation of Jesus, to the quietest moments of my life, God has revealed himself to me when I have earnestly sought him. He has even surprised me when I have not looked for or desired him at all. 

So, today, and this week, I repent of my lack of faith that God rewards those who diligently seek him. As I humbly ask him to show himself to me, it is easier for me to open my Bible to look for him. It is easier to open my mouth in prayer as I drive to and from work. He is on my mind. Because I choose to obediently engage my heart and soul as I seek, and expect that he will reward me as I earnestly seek him. 

“Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!” 

Luke 11:10 - For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks the door will be opened.

Deuteronomy 4:29 - But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him, if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.