Theodicy

By a Mars Hill woman and member who has been actively involved in ministry to women at Mars Hill over the past few years. This is her first article for Reforming the Feminine, and we hope to see more.

Theodicy: The defense of God’s goodness and omnipotence in view of the existence of evil.
I have found a common tension rearing its head in my life the past four years.  I walk what feels like a tightrope, and wanting to hold two truths in each hand.  One truth being: I have suffered.  The other truth being: God is good.  Although my pains have led me to remorse and discomfort, the many tears do not extinguish the truth in my heart that God is good. 

But it brings tension.  The tension that the tightrope needs in order walk well. And when I lean too far to either side, I fall into sin.  Denying my pain or denying God’s power and goodness.  Faking my faith in Him or wallowing and naval-gazing.

In the not too far past when I would share my sufferings with someone, my soul would well up and I would get that hard to swallow feeling in my throat.  However externally I would be smiling and white knuckling my Bible while trying to convince others and myself that “what the enemy intended for evil, God intended for good.” And my tears would well up in my throat but not get farther then that, because in my mind faith and tears did not mix. 

Then one day I was introduced to the Psalms and I have never been the same.

Psalm 136 met my soul in the exact spot I needed to be met. The Psalmist walks that tightrope of two truths. God’s enduring love and the troubles that they faced were written with truth and God-glorifying love.  I decided to write my own.

Give Thanks to the Lord for He is good.
His love endures forever.
Who by his love made me Mindy Lee.
His love endures forever.
His hand determined my mom and dad.
His love endures forever.
Who brought me into a family of two sisters.
His love endures forever.
To him who knew my parents marriage would not last.
His love endures forever.
And knew my time with my dad would be short.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks that He gave me a sweet summer with my dad.
His love endures forever.
To him who struck down my dream of being a daddy’s girl,
His love endures forever.
And ended my dad’s life too soon.
His love endures forever.
He alone allowed my step-dad to set me up.
His love endures forever.
And there his mighty hand stood still while my step-dad’s hand mightily ruled my body.
His love endures forever.
And men’s hands never stopped.
His love endures forever.
He gave me a gymnastics talent,
His love endures forever.
Which led me to a Christian college.
His love endures forever.
With patient love he wooed my heart.
His love endures forever.
And with a mighty hand stopped my sexual madness,
His love endures forever.
And struck down my desires to escape reality.
His love endures forever.
To him who gave me a husband who knew it all but saw me as pure.
His love endures forever.
To him who led us to the Bible
His love endures forever.
To him who created a baby in my womb,
His love endures forever.
who knew by holding her my life would change.
His love endures forever.
And my soul would set sail on a journey
His love endures forever.
That would end in heaven.
His love endures forever.
Give Thanks to the Lord, to the God in heaven
His love endures forever.