Reforming the Feminine ContentMaturity in Singleness
At what age do you cross the line from being a swinging single with (often naive) notions of finding the man of your dreams to a world-weary veteran of singleness?
How do you find joy and peace in singleness after the death of your youthful assumptions of how your life would look at this stage?
Several women asked for teaching on these questions in the surveys from the women’s retreat at Semiahmoo this month. While a half-day teaching from a year ago won’t completely answer the burdens and concerns mentioned in the surveys, we want to highlight what is already available on this subject for those who may have missed it.
Maturity in Singleness, part 1
Deacon Amy Lockman discusses the emotional, physical and spiritual battles faced by single women who are over 30 (or close to it!) and what a biblical response to these pressures looks like.
Maturity in Singleness, part 2
Wendy Alsup, deacon of Women’s Theology, speaks on the importance of being in community with women in varying stages of life.
Lonlieness can come at any stage in life. Some of the lonliest times in my life were when I was married. I’m divorced now, and at 45 have given up on the idea of ever getting married again. There are just no good men left. The men that are left are hiding in their homes, glued to ESPN. Sure, maybe I could find a non-Christian man to date on match.com. But really, most of them are only after casual hook-ups. It is very lonely and discouraging to be a single woman in her 40’s. I used to run a speed-dating service. The single women in their 40’s were smart and educated, and with their children raised were ready to start a new phase in their lives. The single men in their 40’s and 50’s (when we could find them) were - how do I put this - were not great catches.
So you can get all spiritual and say “find your fulfillment in Jesus” - get God Himself said that it was “not good to be alone” and created the institution of marriage.
Yes, I will draw closer to Jesus. But I would also like to have a man I can count on, too, and that’s not likely to happen. I love Jesus, but He won’t mow the lawn for me!
Hello Anna!
Thanks for being real.
I just prayed for you because I sense a bit of a bitter undercurrent - and I don’t mean that as a criticism, I mean that as I see you have pain.
I want to encourage you that nothing is impossible with God, and he truly IS enough, and I don’t mean that in a flippant way. I hope you will be able to let go of despair in your situation and choose to hope in the Lord. Hope seems illogical or naive, but hope is faithfulness in believing God is good and that he is taking care of you.
I have had to realize that while I don’t have Jesus himself to mow the lawn for me, he can provide people besides a husband to do that for me and minister to me as his hands and feet. And if I have to mow the lawn myself, he has promised never to leave me and to give me the strength I need emotionally to mow that lawn over and over without a husband. For me this is also physical touch. I feel a strong need for physical affection. I have drawn near to the body of Christ through my born-family and church-family and receive so many hugs and kisses. They are not ‘romantic’ to be sure, but Jesus always provides what I need when I need it.
Your desire for a husband is not bad, and I think it is something you should not just give up on. However, if you think you can only truly be fulfilled if you have Jesus AND a husband, it is time to look at where your heart and treasure are.
It helps me to remind myself that in heaven Jesus is my treasure, not my husband. A husband isn’t forever. He’s for a lifetime. Jesus is forever.
I hope I have come across sensitively to you. My heart is for you, and I don’t want to invalidate what you’ve shared. I do want to encourage you to keep hoping and to choose to believe Jesus and his goodness more than the bleakness of your circumstances. And just for the record, I think the same thoughts you put down here quite often - it is a struggle to trust Jesus in his physical absence more than the physical security, comfort and passion of a flesh-and-bones husband.