Reforming the Feminine ContentBut I Don’t Want To Talk To Other Girls…
because that means they will know me. They will have facts to judge me with. They will be better than me. They will ruin me!
What is this unhealthy crap that is going through my head? I’ve been struggling with not wanting to open up to girls the past year. When my husband and I first came to Mars Hill, I liked it. No one knew me, no one knew my past, no one could judge me because no one knew me. And now, people hang out at our house, people watch me play music and people ask me questions. It’s not ‘my own business’ anymore. It’s community. Not only is this community nice to me, sometimes we even talk about the real crap. Our pasts, our sins and sometimes even poo. So it’s really a wonderful thing… this community. But it’s still really hard.
But the things we really like at Mars Hill, like children and marriages, seems to cause problems in my relationships outside of the church with my girlfriends. I find myself hurting often from the disagreements with women who think marriage is wrong from anyone under 26, or from women saying having a baby when you’re young and married is something you should be afraid of. I have my support from the God fearing family in my church, but why does the lack of support from girlfriends from outside the church hurt me so much? Why am I trying to get approval from these girls that don’t love Jesus? From these girls that don’t even know me anymore?
Man, I really need Jesus. I’m sick of trying to look good to… these people.
Thanks for sharing Candice. I really appreciate your willingness to be open with your struggles.
I often times find myself clamoring for approval from the peanut gallery (so to speak) as well, only to find that they let me down time and time again. Even those God fearing sisters in my life, have been found to be disappointing at times…Looking to Jesus really is the only answer, He is the one who will be there for me time and time again, even when I look my worst.
Thanks for the reminder to look to Jesus in these times. I needed that nudge.
great post Candice. I love your straight-up honesty. I love that you are also not just honest, but willing to become more like Jesus. By the way, you look beautiful today!!
Oh Candice…
You speak the words of my own heart! How “ironic” that just yesterday I read John 12:24-25, “Listen carefully: unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never anymore than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it spouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal.” (Message Translation)
We are called to die to ourselves, the ways of this world, the expectations of girlfriends and society. (to take up our cross)It is so hard to be in this world and not be of it! Our friends will fail us, they will make us miserable at times…we’re all just human trying our best at this life. But remember who you are Dear Candice…your are the daugter of The King, you are beautiful in His sight and nothing can take that away from you. Keep being bold in the wisdom of the Lord to those who don’t know Him!
Thank you. God is using you to remind us our identity is in him alone. When we place our identity in anything else, we end up worshiping it and being disappointed. May we learn to continually know of first importance we are children of the King, He loves us, and He wants us to love Him and others.