Reforming the Feminine ContentThe Ministry of Dumbo
I blamed it on children. There are statistics that prove pregnancy saps out your memory.
I blamed it on age. I have medical articles that say you lose short-term memory with age.
I blamed it on my busy life. Memory overload.
Lately family and friends repeatedly say, “I already told you this”, “Don’t you remember?”, “Didn’t you read my email?” WHERE IS MY HEAD, I continuously wondered. It must be sleep deprivation or my adult ADD (self diagnosed).
Then I read this: The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins with listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to them. It is God’s love for us that He not only gives us His Word but also lends us His ear. So it is His work that we do for our brother when we learn to listen to him.
God gives me his full attention. He not only hears me, He listens to me ~ A father completely engaged and intentionally consuming my words. This Scriptural picture jolted me into the contrast - I haven’t been listening to people. Rather, I have a dirty little habit of half-listening (isn’t that like being half-pregnant? Candice, your the resident expert now, can that even happen?!)
For instance, when I’m writing, I go into a mental cave at my keyboard. I’ve told my family not to bother me at these times because it feels like I’ve climbed down to this deep mental well, and when you interrupt me, I must now scurry up the well, and this is annoying. So don’t do it. But, of course, they still do. And so, instead of climbing up the mental well and laying aside my “issues at hand” (in this case, writing) to really hear them, I climb up a few rungs, appear to be engaged and nod my head, and then quickly slide back down, often forgetting key points of the conversation by the time I actually do climb up for real.
Does anyone know what I’m talking about?
In spite of this bad habit, I’m so very thankful that I serve a God who not only intentionally listens to me, he intentionally breaks into my subconscious to poignantly reveal amazing pieces of His character, like listening, for the purpose of conforming me into His image.
There is a kind of listening with half an ear that presumes already to know what the other person has to say. It is an impatient, inattentive listening, that despises the brother and is only waiting for a chance to speak and thus get rid of the other person.
“Despises the brother” may sound a little harsh, but it is true in that I despise putting Self aside for even my closest relationships sometimes. Compare this with Jesus, who at the end of a very busy day of teaching, preaching, and healing the sick, would come home to a gigantic crowd of needy people, and immediately engage in compassion (Matthew 11:35, 36). In other words, He put Self and agendas aside to fully ’hear’ their hearts. He also hears the Widow of Nain despite a culturally loud funeral durge in Luke 7. His grace and ability to really hear and listen to people blows me away as I see Him walk the pages of Scripture: Considering others’ needs; temporarily suspending issues at hand in order to give His rapt attention; allowing the information to completely register in the first place. Jesus shows me this truth: It is not exclusively poor memory but rather poor listening that has resulted in my forgetfulness.
Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking when they should be listening.
But he who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God either; he will be doing nothing but prattle in the presence of God too. One who cannot listen long and patiently will presently be talking beside the point and be never really speaking to others, albeit he be not conscious of it. Anyone who thinks that his time is too valuable to spend keeping quiet will eventually have no time for God and his brother, but only for himself and for his own follies.
Definition of LISTEN: Attend closely for the purpose of hearing.
A few weeks back, Pastor Mark took us through passages in the Bible where God uses humor to make a point. This one really cracks me up today, because it’s so poignantly applicable:
“He who has an ear, let him hear.” Revelation 2:7
He who has an ear? Of course I have ears! How ridiculous! But imbedded in this little verse is deeply inferred wisdom. You have ears, Shelly? Great! Then allow Me to help you listen, closely, for the purpose of hearing those around you. Do you hear what I hear?
Use my ears to hear? Well Gol-ly, Jesus…(say that in a Gomer Pyle accent).
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(Bolded references wisdom from Dietrich Bonhoeffer)
What do you mean by half-pregnant?
I was talking to my counselor one day, and noticed that I hadn’t listened to anything she was saying for about two minutes. I had just nodded and said “yeah” couple times. I had to tell her that I had left the conversation. Her homework to me was to tell my husband when I had disconnected from the conversation the next time my mind wondered and shut off.
I totally do know what you’re talking about, yet I don’t think I’ve made anything but a small improvement the last six months.
I know I need to listen more, but sometimes, I don’t want to. Sometimes, the things in my mind are more important that things people are saying…
Wow, I’m so selfish. thanks for writing great.
The more I think about it - There has to be a balance. I mean… there is so much bs people say. Are we suppose to even listen to the people that talk BS all the time?
what do you think? This is really getting to me today.
So true! What if under the BS their heart is crying out? Didn’t Jesus go for what was under the excuses the woman at the well gave him? Much to ponder. Thanks, both of you!
Good thoughts, gals. Of course, we could dissect this into many pies depending on how we view things, but this is me: First, I must clarify intimate versus shallow relationships. If I’m at the bus stop or making casual chit chat in what I consider ’shallow’ relationships, then to me, most of this is bs conversation. I’m a bottom liner and don’t enjoy shallow conversation in general, nor do I have the time or mental gigs to hit “save” for that stuff. But, remember BS is relative (explained below). What Bonhoeffer writes, and what I am more addressing is listening in our intimate relationships. I don’t really consider any of those conversations bs - whether I’m talking about Thomas the Train or discussing predestination with my teens, or which meat to buy at Costco, that’s all important to me because they are important people in my life that I know I have a profound impact on. So, for instance, I forget to do small tasks (”wash my uniform for tomorrow, mom?”) because I don’t take the effort to really listen to my kids sometimes because I am preoccupied. I fail with my husband because he is not a bottom liner, and I have learned over the years to “hear” him between the lines. This takes effort and concentration, which I have been poor at lately. Of course, one could always make the case that it is “their” problem, but if Jesus asks us to consider others’ needs before our own (”Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also the the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant…” Phil. 2:3-7), then I apply this by saying, ‘I serve people when I learn to listen to them according to their needs’.
BS conversation is relative. What is defined as BS to me may not be to you, and versa, so to me that is not the litmus test. The litmus test is defined by Scripture, which overall tells me I am selfish, self-absorbed, and generally hear people according to my needs. I pray that the Holy Spirit would help me put myself aside more often, engage in what people are saying, and to me it doesn’t matter whether its technically BS or not. Lonely, hurting people say a lot of things casually that no one ever bothers to ask deeper questions about. As you pointed out, Linda, Jesus was a Master at being able to see thru people and hear the real issues. We’re not Jesus, but the only way we will ever get near that good is to persevere in listening, practise, pray for help, study Him, and seek to listen to others needs before our own.
I always love it when we as Christian women focus on the things that God wants us to.
Convicting, thank you.