Six weeks ago, my best friend of three years asked me to marry him. I burst into tears, then said yes. A tad predictable, I know. The unpredictable part came after the initial “we’re engaged!”

I feel like no one was ever honest with me about the emotional and mental transition from simple girlfriend to fiancée. With that ring came every emotion I knew existed, rushing through my head like a flash flood on steroids. Six seconds has been my average attention span since then and my memory is only slightly longer. Every ounce of creativity in my brain has gone into thinking of getting married, but life hasn’t stopped to let me scheme. I still have to keep up with three part-time jobs and more than a few extra time commitments that filled my life before I was a fiancee.

On a whole different level of overwhelming, very soon, my unsuspecting fiancé will be my well-acquainted husband and I will be his partner, his support, his best friend, his wife and all the responsibilities that go with that beautiful, but daunting, role will be mine.

I’ve been cycling through dozens of new thoughts and emotions for the past six weeks and I have never been so sure of my own weaknesses in my entire life. So why am I still wearing his ring, in light of my obvious insufficiency? With this ring also came a breathtaking new glimpse of God’s grace in the full-on revelation of how I desperately need it. In last week’s message, Pastor Mark mentioned that Jesus often waits to give us His provision until the moment we need it, in the exact amount we need. I couldn’t agree more.

I had the hardest time finding a wedding dress in the first weeks of our engagement. I tried on dozens and had more than one bridal sales consultant assume the wedding was April 2009, then looked shocked when corrected. At the end of a long search, I found out that the designer “just happened” to have the exact dress I wanted in the perfect color in my size, in stock.

Then we found dresses that flattered each of my three bridesmaids, but Jessica McClintock in Seattle didn’t have any in Olivine green in the right sizes and the sales clerk’s computers were showing that none of the stores in the nation did. But one day and several persistent phone calls later, the Portland store “just happened” to have them and shipped them directly to our door.

Time after time, I have been reminded that God knows and cares for us more than I know. Even as I type it, I know it sounds cliché, but as I prepare to marry the man I love, knowing that Jesus’ blessing is on it, that He would even go so far as to give me grace and provide in the smallest details of planning the wedding, I am humbled and in awe of our God. And when my creativity and sanity wanes, His takes over and exceeds all expectations.

There’s a little more room in the Just-Jesus-and-Me Club of late. I have canceled my membership because it just wasn’t delivering the desired results.

The biggest result I was hoping for was to know God better. You know, people just keep interrupting and getting in the way and I’m trying to know God.

We are doing “How People Change” in our Community Group and I’m on chapter three in my homework and this week it was talking about community and it pulled up a Scripture I have been meditating on out of sheer bewilderment and enchantment over the last year:

 Ephesians 3:14-19

“… I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith — that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”

 That bolding is mine. Because I have been wondering for a long time, and asking God to help me understand his love. I need strength for that. To know something that surpasses knowledge. What kind of knowing goes beyond knowledge? I want that. I want to know Christ’s love that is bigger than a bunch of facts in my head.

Somehow I have missed an entire phrase in that bolded section, though, as I have pondered this in my heart over the last year: “together with all the saints.”

Oh. So understanding Jesus’ gigantic love for us is a community project.

By isolating myself from others, I isolate myself from a new depth of knowledge in knowing Jesus’ love for me and for us all.

That is not what I want at all. I want to know Jesus’ love as much as possible. There is a time for the prayer closet, but there has to be time to get out and live with the other saints.

By the way, Deacon Amy Lockman will be teaching on this portion of Ephesians at the Women’s Retreat this weekend… if you are coming, read Ephesians ahead of time and get familiar with it!

Peace.

I blamed it on children.  There are statistics that prove pregnancy saps out your memory. 

I blamed it on age.  I have medical articles that say you lose short-term memory with age.

I blamed it on my busy life.  Memory overload.

Lately family and friends repeatedly say, “I already told you this”, “Don’t you remember?”, “Didn’t you read my email?”  WHERE IS MY HEAD, I continuously wondered.  It must be sleep deprivation or my adult ADD (self diagnosed).

Then I read this:  The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them.  Just as love to God begins with listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to them.  It is God’s love for us that He not only gives us His Word but also lends us His ear.  So it is His work that we do for our brother when we learn to listen to him.“For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer.” 1 Peter 3:12

God gives me his full attention.  He not only hears me, He listens to me ~ A father completely engaged and intentionally consuming my words.  This Scriptural picture jolted me into the contrast - I haven’t been listening to people.  Rather, I have a dirty little habit of half-listening (isn’t that like being half-pregnant?  Candice, your the resident expert now, can that even happen?!)

For instance, when I’m writing, I go into a mental cave at my keyboard.  I’ve told my family not to bother me at these times because it feels like I’ve climbed down to this deep mental well, and when you interrupt me, I must now scurry up the well, and this is annoying.  So don’t do it.  But, of course, they still do.  And so, instead of climbing up the mental well and laying aside my “issues at hand” (in this case, writing) to really hear them, I climb up a few rungs, appear to be engaged and nod my head, and then quickly slide back down, often forgetting key points of the conversation by the time I actually do climb up for real. 

Does anyone know what I’m talking about? 

In spite of this bad habit, I’m so very thankful that I serve a God who not only intentionally listens to me, he intentionally breaks into my subconscious to poignantly reveal amazing pieces of His character, like listening, for the purpose of conforming me into His image. 

There is a kind of listening with half an ear that presumes already to know what the other person has to say.  It is an impatient, inattentive listening, that despises the brother and is only waiting for a chance to speak and thus get rid of the other person.  

“Despises the brother” may sound a little harsh, but it is true in that I despise putting Self aside for even my closest relationships sometimes.  Compare this with Jesus, who at the end of a very busy day of teaching, preaching, and healing the sick, would come home to a gigantic crowd of needy people, and immediately engage in compassion (Matthew 11:35, 36).  In other words, He put Self and agendas aside to fully ’hear’ their hearts.  He also hears the Widow of Nain despite a culturally loud funeral durge in Luke 7.   His grace and ability to really hear and listen to people blows me away as I see Him walk the pages of Scripture:  Considering others’ needs; temporarily suspending issues at hand in order to give His rapt attention; allowing the information to completely register in the first place.  Jesus shows me this truth:  It is not exclusively poor memory but rather poor listening that has resulted in my forgetfulness.

Many people are looking for an ear that will listen.  They do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking when they should be listening. 

But he who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God either; he will be doing nothing but prattle in the presence of God too.  One who cannot listen long and patiently will presently be talking beside the point and be never really speaking to others, albeit he be not conscious of it.  Anyone who thinks that his time is too valuable to spend keeping quiet will eventually have no time for God and his brother, but only for himself and for his own follies.

Definition of LISTEN:  Attend closely for the purpose of hearing.

A few weeks back, Pastor Mark took us through passages in the Bible where God uses humor to make a point.  This one really cracks me up today, because it’s so poignantly applicable:

“He who has an ear, let him hear.”  Revelation 2:7

He who has an ear?  Of course I have ears!  How ridiculous!  But imbedded in this little verse is deeply inferred wisdom.  You have ears, Shelly?  Great!  Then allow Me to help you listen, closely, for the purpose of hearing those around you.  Do you hear what I hear?   

Use my ears to hear?  Well Gol-ly, Jesus…(say that in a Gomer Pyle accent). 

***

(Bolded references wisdom from Dietrich Bonhoeffer)

It’s up! If you missed the training day on December 1st, you can now catch the audio here and view the training manual, too.  

From the MH Women’s Training Day, December 1, 2007:

Training Manual - This is a PDF of the day’s print material for the lectures.

Session 1: What is Theology and Why Do I Care? - Wendy Alsup builds the foundation for the day by clearly defining ‘theology’ as the study of God. She reminds us that any hope we have for change and transformation is rooted in our knowledge of God — that looking to His face to know him is our first duty and delight.

Session 2: God is our Father - Crystal Munson discusses the first person of the Trinity - God our Father.

Session 3: God is our Savior - Kelly Cowan teaches on the person and work of Jesus Christ.

Session 4: God is our Help - Amy Lockman shares on the Holy Spirit and His role in our lives as a comforter, counselor and helper.

Session 5: What Do I Do Now? - Wendy Alsup closes the training day with a teaching on how to practically apply knowledge of God into each life situation — taking every thought captive and making it submit to the mind of Christ.

Hallelujah!

Seems like “Barefoot and Pregnant” is used as an insult, but I don’t mind it!

First of all, I have always loved being barefoot. We never wore shoes in our house, and shoes always made my feet stink. I never really liked socks either. If I could, I would walk around barefoot all the time. (Except outside, because it kind of hurts.)
Second of all, having a baby is a blessing for me, my husband and my family.  The reason I feel like it’s necessary to clarify that a baby is blessing is because I’ve already gotten “You’re chained for life,” “I can’t believe you want to have a baby,” and “Why do you want to have a baby already?” comments from some friends and people I know. Tip to those who like saying those comments:  Don’t say it anymore when the girl is actually pregnant because you don’t know if the sweet girl that wouldn’t fight back with you ever before just may scratch you and yell a little. It’s funny how my priorities changed so quick. My natural instinct is to protect the little growing alien in my tummy, and I will run over and destroy anything that puts it in danger! I feel like a wild lion mommy or something. RAAWWRR!!!!! But FYI, I can promise I won’t scratch.
I am crazy. I am passionate and intense (if you haven’t noticed already).  Being passionate can be a great thing, but when it’s mixed with intensity and craziness — it equals a stomach ulcer and heartburn.  Since I’ve been of legal drinking age, I’ve been drinking alcohol to unwind and chill out.  When I had a stressful day, if I had a glass of wine, I could forget about why I’m so stressed.  Issues weren’t really issues anymore after a glass of wine.  

I also used to smoke almost every time I drank alcohol.  It was pretty awesome to be able to have a drink, and have a smoke with people from church.  The other day, I went to a show, and I wanted to smoke.  Not because I like inhaling cigarettes, but because I missed the social part of standing outside, laughing, joking and talking to people and getting to know them!  I’m not saying you can’t get to know someone inside a house, sitting down with a glass of yummy flavored water.  But there is something about smoking with someone and just being okay with how different we are.  I think it is safe to say that for me - getting to know people outside, with a cig in hand, helped cut out (more…)

I must admit, walking into this new year in the grand scheme of things has been quite uneventful. I’m working, going to school, and in what spare time those activities allow, hanging out with my friends and roommates.

So in the midst of the boring day-to-day, I find myself here blogging with what from my view is seemingly nothing to write about — and then God’s reminds me…

“Hey! Remember what I’ve been doing!”

Here it is: while my life has been nice and quiet with very little personal stress, this has allowed me to spend more time in prayer and seeking what Jesus wants to weed out in my life, and how to be an intercessor for others. More time in prayer has led to more specific prayers for people – and the most exciting part of all, being able to watch and hear about Jesus answering those prayers. Unfortunately many of these I can’t share here (as they are very personal and somewhat confidential as they are not things happening in my life, but in the lives of others). I can however say this: I’ve been blessed to see people’s hearts change, in ways they see the world and themselves, and to see a friend come to faith in Jesus — which is pretty much the most exciting thing that has happened in my recent memory.

So life is quiet, and that’s a blessing that I would never have thought to ask for.

If you were sitting on the fence and thought it was too late, the women’s retreat is still open for registration until January 30. Hope to see you there!

 Register here.

The most amazing gift I received this Christmas was a hugely humbling dose of grace that God gave me through a new project that I timidly took on and saw Him work in an amazing way.

Before you read further, I have to provide a disclaimer about myself: I hate sales, selling things, and convincing someone they need something they really don’t need. I hate waste, inefficiency, and clutter. My strengths are helping people determine what they need and then go after it in the most conservative and efficient way possible.

So knowing that, you can understand why I was really resistant when my flight attendant aunt emailed me to say that she was going to send me a bunch of pashmina scarves she picked up on some recent travels would I be interested in starting a small side business and selling scarves? No way!! I cringed at the thought of meekly peddling scarves among friends and clients . despite the fact that I knew I would be offering them for such a great price half of what a quality luxury pashmina scarf costs at a high-end department store.

Ironically in the same week that I got my aunt’s email I also heard from a friend who had recently been on a mission trip to India and spent time providing free eye and dental care in the House of Hope mission compound. As I spoke with her she passionately shared about a wonderful program she learned about during her trip.

I was reduced to tears as she shared the story of dozens of women who attend a sewing micro-enterprise school in the House of Hope compound where in six months they learn the valuable skills needed to begin their own sewing. At the end of the program they are given a sewing machine and business advice and return to their village to grow their business and support themselves. She told me the personal stories of several women who had been widowed or abandoned and left to make a living by prostitution or who eventually died or were killed because they had no way of earning a living.

My heart cried for these girls (more…)

By Chandin Persaud, who also wrote this piece, and is a member regularly attending West Seattle… until Downtown officially starts kickin’ it.

I have never been so thankful for men until last night.  Growing up I couldn’t understand them, didn’t like them, and was utterly afraid of them.  I have dealt with about every “daddy-issue” a girl might have, which sadly isn’t rare these days.  But last night God showed this jacked up girl a peek at what it means to be a man of God, and I am eternally grateful. 

I went to dinner with some guy friends, some of which I didn’t know so well. Conversation was great; the chips were warm and the salsa spicy. Conversation grew rich as it went from dinner to the living room of their bachelor pad. We sat and talked about (more…)

You’re not supposed to brag, right? That’s what I was always taught at least. Don’t tell anyone if you get good grades, don’t talk about how much stuff you have, don’t mention it if you won an award, don’t tell your co-workers you got a raise or the nice things your boss said in your last review, etc.  Nobody likes a bragger. And they get mocked and beat up frequently.

I have become really good at appearing ‘humble’ because I know how to keep my mouth shut (more…)