Reforming the Feminine ContentFaithful to me
Do I paint pictures of Egypt? Am I longing for a place that I hated when I was there? Have I covered the painful memories with a pretty new dress? Has the dust so covered them that I can’t really see them for what they were?
I’ve lived in - or at least been to a lot of places in the last 5 years. Each has presented its own difficulties, joys and sorrows. As I think back to them - for some I remember only the bad, some only the good.
I’ve painted pictures of how I want to remember things, instead of remembering the picture of what they actually were. I’ve deceived myself and sometimes sought my Father to ask Him why He took me out of there, though in the back of my head I have no questions as to why He did it.
He loves me. He desires my best and wants me to grow. My life has had pain, sorrow, grief, guilt, betrayal, anger; joy, love, happiness, and amazement. As I reflect on missions trips, moves, Bible school, people I’ve loved and those that I haven’t, things that I’ve learned with ease, and those that have nearly killed me in the process. I always come back to this: He is faithful and good.
There are a few things in life right now that grieve my heart; things that I cannot change, things that I cannot do. I am left with the refuge of prayer, and the knowledge that Jesus is faithful, that He has everything in control, and that He has let my heart be grieved for His good purposes.
Jesus is truly amazing, and I hope that you don’t forget that or question it as I so often have. I so often feel like Gomer, or the entire nation of Israel in the Old Testament, as I go out searching for other gods, whoring myself out while Jesus diligently pursues me, loves me, and saves me from myself.
A song by Sara Groves called “He’s Always Been Faithful” has been stuck in my head for the last week, it has good and bad memories attached to it in my life. Mostly though, it reminds me of how amazing Jesus is - I hope it lets others see that too.
He’s Always Been Faithful (by Sara Groves)
Morning by morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God’s hand in mine.
Season by season I watch him amazed, in
awe of the mystery of his perfect ways
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He’s always been faithful to me
I can’t remember a trial or a pain he did
not recycle to bring me gain. I can’t
remember one single regret in serving
God only and trusting his hand
This is my anthem, this is my song, the
theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long.
God has been faithful, he will be again.
His loving compassion, it knows no end.
I LOVE Sarah Groves. I love that phrase, “I can’t remember a trial or a pain He did not recycle to bring me gain.” Only our sovereign and good Father can perform that miracle!
Just listened to a devotional yesterday at a meeting in Ballard - the speaker covered Ezekiel 8 and talked about the abominations in the temple that the Lord showed to Ezekiel - they all had to do with idolatry, and one of the pictures was the women of Jerusalem weeping over their idols - and that weeping made the Lord angry.
I loved your question “do I paint pictures of Egypt?” Do we long for our sin again or our misery? Why do we love it instead of the Lord? Especially when it is killing us?
Laurel, This is one of my favorite songs of all time because it reminds me of a season of life when I lived in England with some wonderful women and we would play this Sara Groves CD over and over. When I came back to the states I was sad that sweet season of life was over and kept playing it during the next summer. The words and music were such a great reminder of Jesus’ faithfulness, and the memories it brings back are priceless.
Wow, you just said all of the things that have been circling around in my head for weeks. Trying to trust Jesus in the midst of being in the eye of a storm is amazingly difficult yet at the same time it brings me closer to Him and I long to seek His will.
Cambria-
the first time this song stuck with me was when i was reading ‘the Hiding Place’. It was playing as a read the section where she and her sister were naked, in the concentration camps being inspected by the guards, and she realizes that Jesus hung naked, not covered with a loin cloth, on the cross. she then tells her sister who replies (in the middle of a concentration camp!) “oh, and i never thanked Him”. Jesus is so lovely, it makes my heart feel things i could never express
Wow, you hit the attributes of God that I love most. If I could convince the world of 2 things, it is that God is Good, and God is Faithful. All the time.