MY SECRET AFFAIR

Hiding away under an outward appearance of sanity, my thoughts are consumed with you.

I want your touch.

I long for your embrace.

I can not wait for our time together.

The lustful longing inside me builds until I can’t breath. I know that our time will be soon.  Only with you can I bare my inner ugliness. You love and accept me anyway that I am. 

As I see you approach I feel the tightness in my chest and the nervousness excites me. Hurry…just grab me and engulf me in your arms!  I long to melt in your embrace. All my fears, anxieties and worries are washed in your quiet whispers. I feel the chill down the backs of my legs. You are mine. You love me. You are always there for me.

Our time together today was a 2 hr blur. I am numb when it comes to an end.

I like this feeling. I try to make our time last as long as possible. I need you. You help me to face my life. 

I must leave you now. 

I have to go home to my family. You, my secret love, are not far from my mind. Only tucked away behind the face of a “Christian” woman.  I know that my secret is safe with you.   

What is the truth?   What are the facts?  Black/white no grey.  I am married.  I have been a Christian for most of my life.  I have had a secret lover for many years.  Want to know more?  It is not pretty…Read on at your own risk…

His attacks were so ferocious that I was left bleeding from his blows.  I hurt.  He told me I deserved it. Yes abusive, controlling, but I could not leave him. He is so convincing. “You are nothing without me, worthless, nothing special”. Why do I keep turning to him? It is not pretty…

Please help me.

No!  You might take him away.

Yes, I am ready, ready to tell. I have heard that the truth shall set you free.  I want that, so here goes:  My secret lover is…My secret, my lover, my friend is…

is….

is….

is ED. 

Ed, I said it.

Ed is my eating disorder. 

***

In the United States, as many as 10 million females and 1 million males are fighting a battle with an eating disorder.  Millions more are struggling with binge eating disorder.  There has been a rise in incidence in young women in each decade since 1930, and certain disorders TRIPLED between 1988 and 1993.

80% of American women are dissatisfied with their appearance.  The average American woman is 5′4″ tall and weighs 140 pounds. The average American model is 5′11″ tall and weighs 117 pounds.  Most fashion models are thinner than 98% of American women.*

*www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

www.remudaranch.com

ReFem is dedicating the first Sunday of the month for the next year to “Eve”, a  pilgrim on mission to recover from her eating disorder at Mars Hill.  Eve is involved in Reveal, a ministry of Mars Hill that offers help with letting go of destructive behaviors and communicating thoughts and feelings in honest ways.  For more information contact care@marshillchurch.org.