How To Be A Mature *cough* Mars Hill Woman

So the esthetician is chatting away as I’m getting my brows waxed, and my brain hiccups after her comment about, “…as your skin matures…”.  I hearing nothing she says after that.  “As I mature?  My skin matures?  What are you saying?”  The light-bulb comes on and I blurt out, “Oh!  You mean I’m getting OLD!”  Turns out she wasn’t one to appreciate (or knew what to do with) brutal honesty, and she looked at me like I exposed myself or something. (This would be the time for all you men reading ReFem to click off).

Okay, so I’m maturing.  Physically.  (Hopefully mentally as well.  Loud *cough*).   Apparently this is the nice way of saying I’m aging, or over 40, or may be getting more than a brow wax some day - soon.  More years potentially behind me than in front.  Which means I’m sort of an anomaly at Mars Hill, at least in Ballard.  Remember how they gawked at the old geezer in the classic sci-fi Logan’s Run?  Yeah, baby, now your getting a taste of how us mature *cough* folk feel sometimes at our beloved Mars Hill.

 So how do you fit into a 20-something church, that missionally targets a 20-something peach fuzz Urban Outfitter Seattle crowd?  Here’s to you, mature women at Mars Hill:  Top 10 Ways to Be a Mature Mars Hill Woman:  

1.  Mature women are hungry to learn.  They don’t sneak off for coffee refills when the conversation turns into theology because they are defining and wrestling with it, head on.  They read study Bibles and books like Humility by CJ Mahoney.  (That particular one is a little like getting a punch in the gut every morning.  I am constantly astounded at the new levels of humiliation I can actually plunge to).  Standard issue with Bible studies and great books are plenty of labwork behind the scenes to scrap out our heart issues.  No pain, no gain.  Good theology has power when it is applied to daily life. 

2.  Mature women are online.  I know this is scary for some.  But, allakhazam!  Look at that!  A church full of techies.  I’m sure Jesus would provide some support to get you up and running.  (Obviously this has been printed out for you.)  This is important because its important to know who our church is.  The members site and VoxPop Network require a peek at least every other day, and how could one live without the Pastors Prayers ~ How else do we know what to pray for?  Mature women are willing to get tech savvy and learn at least a little about our culture.  Pink is not just something to knit for a baby girl.  (And I’m not being stereotypical; I happen to knit and think it’s totally cool).  But a missional church will never be a cocoon for me and my interests.  As Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “The church exists for others”.  So what do you know about others?

3.  Mature women keep their pearls of former service on the strand.  Being mature here likely means you came from another church, or had previous church experience.  There may be an overwhelming temptation to lay out your former church resume slash service record, sit back, and wait for the offers to roll in.  You’re not a lateral hire.   I distinctly remember when Jesus hit me with “Do nothing of of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”  Philippians 2:3-4.  He had uncovered my heart:  I had selfish ambitions.  Sleazy.  Pray, practise humility, wait on the Lord, and keep your soup coolers shut.  

4.  Mature women open their soup coolers.  When appropriate.  Which means when and if the blackberry packers ask for godly advice.  Well, of course they need it!  They just don’t always know they need it, or if you’re safe.  One thing you can take to the bank is they need encouragement.  Tons.  No matter what labels or trendy haircut they use to throw you off, approach them warmly.  When I was younger, the times I looked the most put-together on the outside, I had an altogether train wreck on the inside. 

5.  Mature women introduce themself at church.  They coo over babies and ask for permission to see inside the carrier.  They develop a loving rapport and remember to ask about past prayer requests.  God gave us 2 ears and one mouth, and mature women listen twice as good.

6.  Mature women are certain of their calling.  We’re not in Kansas anymore, so let’s quit with the whining about the current structure, our last women’s ministry, or how your other church did it.  Did Jesus call you to Mars Hill, or not?  When you are assured of your calling, the offenses have a way of rolling off easier.  Expect to get lectured or hear an impulsive retort now and then.  They’re young, unquarried stones.  And we’re old stones.  I thought I was so mature until Jesus showed me how easily I could be offended.  Try to think of it like the High Karate commercials we watched inbetween The Partridge Family in the 70’s:  (SLAP)  “Thanks, I needed that.“ Our humility cracks will never be deeper than the canyon our Master plunged to, so use these as opportunities to dive deeper in humility and fellowship with Him, and live under your self.

7.  Mature women are willing to be in community and confess their sins.  They see the value of building rapport with a safe, steady group of believers who are intent on redemption and revealing their struggles and sins.  Sometimes this is hard when you come from a background where church is “don’t ask; don’t tell”, and you fight to keep on the stoic, everthing-is-fine mask.  Repentance, or turning from sin, is never easy.  It means admitting that you are wrong.  It is especially humiliating, after walking with Jesus for 18 years, to see new fears, new jealousies and continued desires to control.  I’m tempted to think, “Holy smokes, shouldn’t I be further along than this?”   Actually, no.  As the authors put it in the book How People Change, “There are always new sins for the Christian to address and new enemies to defeat.”

8.  Mature women don’t need a posse.  Not everyone has friends at church, and seeing gaggles of women chatting can feel very lonely.  Mature women at least consider there are lonely women watching, and especially if you’re visible in leadership, try not to be exclusive with your friends all the time. 

9.  Mature women take opportunities to listen to the 20 somethings.  Many have grown up in the church, and feel confused, abandoned, angry.  I’m amazed at how doctrinally sound many of these young women are, and that many are more conservative than me.  They’re grappling with Scripture.  Just like us.  They have a lot to say and bless us with, and we have a lot to share in life experience with them. 

10.  Mature women laugh, a lot.  Like the day after my date with the esthetician, Jesus, my husband and I shared a real knee slapper when I received an email out of the blue asking if I’d consider writing for the ReFem blog.  Reason being, they were interested in adding a ”mature” voice.   Chuckle, snort.  *Cough*.  I was a shoe in.