Reforming the Feminine ContentMe and My Sexual Sin
Before this month, there was no way that I would have said anything about sexual sin. It’s so freaking uncomfortable, awkward, shameful, and gross to talk about, or even think about.
Why is it that I would rather confess that I’m a jealous prideful person, than I’m a lustful sexually perverted person?
Maybe it’s because when I confess I’m a sinner, I sometimes feel humble. Maybe it’s because I feel good when I admit that I’m a jealous person because maybe it makes other people think that I’m coming closer to Jesus… or something twisted like that.
We didn’t talk about sexual sin in my family. Even in church, the boys were addressed to be careful of sexual sin, but the pastor made it sound like girls didn’t have sexual problems. The guys were told to be careful about what their eyes let in their hearts, they were taught to look away when a sexy commercial or scene came on the T.V. The girls weren’t addressed. All I remember was ‘Girls, don’t give your heart away. Save your whole heart for your husband.’ I remember thinking No one can find out. No one can know. I have to deal with this myself.
What I needed to hear growing up was, ‘Girls, some of you stuggle with sexual sin. This is why it is sinful…’ I wonder if anything would have been different if I was open about sexual sin… Would I have still struggled as I did? Would I have been closer to Jesus? Would I have been the only girl in my youth group that was struggling with it? Would I have been an outcast if I was honest about my sins?
Women of God, if you struggle with sexual sin, you are not alone. If you feel like you have to keep it all a secret to save face, you are not alone. If you feel like you have to deal with it yourself, you are not alone. If you have shame from your past sexual sin, you’re not alone.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.
- from Psalm 51, written by David after he commited sexual sin with Bathsheba
Candice, what can i say other than to give my full agreement? thanks for sharing this.
Thanks for being willing to allow the Light of Jesus to shine into darkness Candice by sharing your struggle. I’m really encouraged that as women start sharing their struggles, more and more women will feel safer to do so also.
You said that sexual sin is “…so freaking uncomfortable, awkward, shameful, and gross to talk about, or even think about”. Satan wants women to believe that and the lie is that only sexual sin is described this way but the truth is that ALL sin is uncomfortable, awkward, shameful and gross.
“ALL sin is uncomfortable, awkward, shameful and gross.” Amen!
Candice you are a courageous woman. Love you!
Even though you shared sexual sin, it is still very sugar-coated the way you have said it–I know it is really hard to talk about, I remember the first time I shared publicly with a group of high school kids my past, I felt like I was going to die–but it was so important to just be blunt with them, and to not sugar-coat it with pretty words. But good for you to at least get to this step! =)
Thanks ladies.
Rest assure, I have my husband and close friends to be honest and blunt with. This blog isn’t a place where I come when I’m asking Jesus for forgivness or redemption. It’s a place where i write when I’m convicted and learning.
Whitney, as this blog’s admin, I should probably clarify that I decide (not Candice) what details are broadcast to an unlimited, ungoverned and unknown audience. Even if she wanted to share all her blunt details I would have asked her to edit them out for her privacy’s sake. A blog is not the place for that kind of confession.
But you are right; it is important to confess the details: to the appropriate people and before Jesus.
Candice, thank you for your boldness. You ask some deep questions I have asked as well. Thank you for sharing!! I love your call to other women and the reminder that we are not alone.
Thank you Adriel for your comments. I agree that a blog is not the place to share detailed inforamtion.
Wonderful post. I and many others have struggled so much more than we have needed to because no one was ever honest enough about these things and gave as a safe place to bring them out into the light.
[...] I didn’t go into too much detail in my last post about my sexual sins, I was in the process of repenting and studying with other women what the bible said about it. For [...]