Reforming the Feminine ContentJesus Doesn’t See Your Wrinkles
So the truth is that while I love being part of Mars Hill because of their commitment to Scripture, amazing organization, and (of course!) my community group, none of the above is reasons why I ultimately decided to fellowship at this church. What really caught my attention and made this church stand out from other churches and ministries I have been a part of is Mars Hill’s commitment and teaching to men. Yes really!
As a woman, I so appreciate the consistent messages that challenge the men in our congregation. And in the earliest days of my attendance, I agreed with the theology, was able to connect with the community, but essentially I realized that the kind of man I want to marry is exactly the kind of man who Pastor Mark describes each time he encourages men to be leaders. (But please do not think that I’m here to find a husband because I’m not!) I personally find such relief when men are encouraged to step up and assume their Biblical role of manhood, because I feel free to be a woman and all that that entails.
That’s where things really get interesting! What does Biblical Womanhood really involve? I am constantly seeking to discover how I define myself as a woman and am often disappointed at the sources of my definition of womanhood. But as I learn and spend time with wiser women than myself, I am really having fun discovering my value and purpose as a woman. I would encourage you to do the same ask yourself how you define womanhood, or who you are letting define it for you. How do you define beauty and who do you allow to influence your thoughts about your appearance and your worth?
My job lets me constantly interact with the crazy industry known as fashion design. When I say crazy, I really mean it! The values preached in the “religion” of fashion are basically completely opposite of Biblical values. I am saddened to realize how much this vain business has contributed to women defining themselves by all the wrong things!
By believing the lie that appearance is everything, women begin to believe their worth is measured by physical beauty. Instead of feeling shame over our sinful soul, we feel shamed because we are overweight, our skin is imperfect, or our clothes are less than stylish. Our gentle feminine soul that longs for affection and affirmation gets distracted by the desire to appear beautiful and be loved, and so we sell ourselves short becoming consumed with the physical, rather than with the eternal.
Now don’t misunderstand me and think that I’m am opposed to wearing fun clothes or looking nice. Anyone who knows me knows how much I absolutely love style and elegance. I think that my love for all things cute and fashionable and expensive makes me especially aware of the wrong attitudes and motivations so closely associated with fashion and the feminine soul. I love when I see women expressing their individuality in their clothing and appearance not because they are trying to conform, but because they sense God’s pleasure in creativity, beauty, and femininity.
It saddens me when I hear women speaking shamefully of their appearance: signs of aging, extra pounds from pregnancy, clothing from a previous season . women our lists are endless when it comes to areas we criticize about the way we look! However these things are so natural and part of life not forces to fight against and bemoan, but aspects of life to accept with grace! Not easy, I know I will struggle along with the women I love for the rest of my life with comparing the way I look to other women and to what our culture and the fashion industry says is sexy and beautiful. But each time I experience a moment of discontent and selfish desire to be impossibly perfect I remind myself that Jesus’ heart for me as a woman is to have a gentle and quiet spirit. A spirit that appreciates and enjoys my beauty and femininity, and at the same time does not dwell on what I do not have or how I do not look or what I would like to change about my appearance.
To read another short article on our worth as women and the lies we believe about our appearance, click here.
Thanks for the wise words. I’m a man, and realize that women need to hear this message more and more. Here’s my two cents: In society as a whole, the failure of men to assume our God-given roles has caused women to step out of their roles as mothers, leaving our families unraveling with a gap that men just can’t fill. Things only work when we all return to being who God created us to be, fulfilling the role God created each of us to fill. Esentially, it comes down to obtaining our definition of ourselves from our creator. “Blessednesses [did you know it was plural??] of the man [male or female] who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked” - Psalm 1:1. Well, the counsel of the wicked is all around us, including fashion. Beware of how you are influenced by TV, movies, radio, sitcoms, shopping displays, advertising of all types, and the general ways in which our society operates. Just 200 years ago society in England ignored helpless orphans, considering them street vermin. George Muller helped turn the tide, along with Charles Dickens. Who will have the courage to stand up against the wicked ways of this world in 2007?
Cambria:
It may seem odd for a man to respond to this in Re:Fem, but since I got “rained out†of work today, I chose to roam around and see what’s up on VoxPop…
As a (former) husband and as a father to both sons and a daughter, it saddens me also that appearance takes on such a great role as abiter of a woman’s worth. By way of encouragement to wives, in particular, I offer this as a man: that you will never be more beautiful to a husband who truly loves you, than you are RIGHT now, this moment.
Please don’t mistake my meaning. The way you look today; your appearance, your weight, your pregnant form, if that is the season you are in, all are beautiful to your man. All too often, in my own experience, my expression of regard for my daughter’s or my wife’s beauty to me has been confused by them with their weight or attractiveness by wordly or media standards, and discounted in the process. There is much more to a woman’s beauty than mere appearance.
Men are not as shallow as is supposed. Especially so if their view of the women in their lives is informed by God’s Word. By way of advice to younger women and wives: If your man tells you that you are beautiful to him, believe him, please. He may not be completely truthful if you ask him about your new hairstyle, but you can trust that when he tells you you are beautiful, he means it!
Jesus doesn’t See Your Wrinkles….He sees your heart. He wants your heart. It is the heart that shines through when a woman is walking with Jesus, not the wrinkles. It is refreshing to find a woman who is comfortable with her looks. She usually makes you feel comfortable being around her. We men also have problem with looks. Looks at a woman in an unappropriate sexual way. We get hung up visually. Thats why we need and hope for modesty among our women. That’s how we can be supported to grow closer to Jesus and lay our lusts at His feet.
Thanks Cambria for showing a woman who is comfortable with who and how Jesus made you.
Foosh - thanks for your input - many women I know have begun to really look at our hearts and motivations, as well as the influences we believe; we really do want to believe the truth, and not lies from wrong influences. It’s refreshing to hear a man’s perspective on this!
Lenny - Thank you realizing how important your influence as a man, father, and husband is on women and how you can help us realize our beauty and worth in Jesus’ eyes! I want to encourage Christian men to consider how THEY influence women as much as I want to encourage women to look at what is influencing them. You’re right - many men are not as shallow as we sometimes pass them off to be; but oftentimes men can make comments or judgments about a woman’s appearance that are extremely hurtful and damaging - without even realizing it!
Jon - thanks daddy for your words of truth and encouragement! I love you!
wow. thanks for the honesty and for the beautiful encouragement to see ourselves as creations in which God takes delight–a needed reminder!