When we walk with the Lord, In the light of His Word, What a glory He sheds on our way!

While we do His good will, He abides with us still, and with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way

To be happy in Jesus,

But to trust and obey.

John H. Sammis, 1846-1919, from my Baptist Hymnal

Trust:  To be confident of something present or future; to be won to confidence.

Obey:  To submit to the direction or control of; to yield to the impulse, power or operation of.

The good old hymn writers were brilliant, and they wrote some superior theology.  I’ve read equally inspiring devotionals from My Utmost for His Highest, Morning and Evening, and my good old, dog-eared Baptist Hymnal.  Hymns get to the cross quickly, and they demand an exalted view of Jesus Christ, high and lifted up.  They challenge my thinking process, lately in parenting.  And I’ve decided Mr. Sammis was onto something there:  Trust and obey do go hand in hand.  Although it looks a little different when parenting my toddlers than it does my teens.

TODDLER VERSION

I have an energetic 2 year old who has been anything but compliant his entire short life.  His latest favorite trick is to run off the bed when I’m attempting to dry him after a bath or dress him.  It gets really, REALLY old chasing after his naked hiney and repeating the same directives, or having to resort to something more corporal.  However, in all honesty, its my own inconsistency which often begets these chases, because sometimes I am in the mood for chasing the giggly goof and we collapse in a tickling huddle.  I guess in his world its worth the gamble. Despite these lapses in parental consistency, I’m nevertheless pretty sure my little caboose of the family will push the envelope more than the norm.  There are those certain naked hineys that some parents will be challenged to chase more often in one way or the other.  It’s not so different than the testimonies we hear about in the body of Christ.  There are those believers who are more or less compliant with Scripture, and those whom our Father must pursue more doggedly.  In the end, we’re all just a character away from the story of The Prodigal Son.  We’re either prodigals in the pigpen, or prodigals in the pew.  Nevertheless, obedience often pivots on trust. 

A while back I made the mistake of turning on the jets while our little caboose of the family was in the bathtub.  He freaked out.  Thereafter, I had a dickens of a time getting him to come to me and obey when it was bath time.  It was like his trust was warped, and I had to reestablish my trustworthiness.  I would hug his shoulders, look him in the eye and say “It’s time for your bath.  And Mommy is absolutely, positively not going to turn on those jets.  Okay?  Now I want you to obey me and climb in the tub.”  Over time, the trust mended.  He’s back to scaling the porcelain, on demand, with his scrawny legs.

TEEN VERSION

Children, like all of us, are created with the need for truth outside themselves.  Even before the fall in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were not self-sufficient in this.  They required truth outside themselves.  They had all the counsel they needed in God.  Younger children generally accept our counsel early on, but as they enter adolescence, the trust and obey factor gets complicated.  Like Eve in the garden, satan the snake whispers sweet contradictions to the truths of Scripture.  By junior high, many interpreting voices compete with God’s Word.  Like Eve, they hesitate.  Maybe they can have it both ways.  All the stacks of parenting books, seminars, charts and stickers, rewards, Bible memorization, family devotions, prayer, emotional, physical and time investments, feel as if they come crashing down when your children compromise and bring forth the bad fruit of listening to the competetion.  I’ll throw out a few we have dealt with in raising 4 teens:

• Cheating on tests.
• Missing curfew.
• Dating before they’re ready.
• Driving friends around when you have a new, restricted license.
• Sneaking out.
• Skipping school.
• Questioning authority.
• Underage drinking.

Although difficult, in hind sight, this has been good.  Good for the kids to wrestle with articles of faith early on.  Good for the parents because God uses it for good, despite the pain and battling feelings of personal failure.  

I heard the testimoney recently of a Christian guy who was homeschooled, followed the rules, did right, married young, and provided for his family.  Everything was medium, until in his early 30’s he went back to school for his Master’s degree in science.  It wasn’t until then that he ran into real difficulties in life.  For the very first time, he questioned God.  Thus ensued a decade long journey of agony for his family.  Eventually he did return to faith in Jesus, because the question really isn’t can a Christian lose his faith, but can Jesus lose a Christian.  This was helpful to remember as I watched our teens struggle.  

Right before he hung up, I had a parent scream on the phone, “LADY, YOUR SON NEEDS A LOT MORE THAN A ‘NEW HEART’ AND ‘JESUS!”  I thought about that for a long time.  It caused a lot of fretful heartburn, but in the end, I decided no, Mr. J, that’s just another filthy satan snake whisper (okay, banshee holler), causing me to question God, His Word, His faithfulness.   My son doesn’t need anything less than Jesus and a new heart.  His problem wasn’t really the drinking or smoking or even the scarey trip to juvey (which God REALLY used for good).  His probem ultimately was a spiritual one in that he didn’t trust our counsel or Jesus.  He didn’t see Jesus clearly.  High and lifted up. 

Which brings me back to hymns.  Trust and obey.  Teenagers are on a journey of wrestling out their faith, of interpreting the counsel apart from Scripture and their parents, of seeking whether Jesus is trustworthy.  They’ll have a hard time obeying Scripture if that’s not settled.  So, it’s a good thing to figure out whether Jesus is trustworthy or not.  Having said that, it’s not easy.  With certain naked hineys, it’s like watching a bad movie you can’t turn off.   You pray for the truth to come to light, yet when it does, your heart sinks.  You find new lows along with their shenanigans.  At the same time, more than once Jesus has revealed my own ugliness in being a prodigal in the pew.  Jealous of other parents with seemingly perfect kids.  Fretful.  Frusrated.  Worrying that all the years of Christian investment were for nothing.  Unbelieving.

When we walk with the Lord, in the Light of His Word, what a glory He sheds on our way!

Praying the promises of God has been huge to counter my parenting spirals.  Instead of ruminating on my failures and their disobedience, I try to pray Scripture:

“But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.  I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.”  Ps. 13:5

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.  The Lord, the Lord is my strength and my son, He has become my salvation.  With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.”  Is. 12:2

“See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in Him will never be put to shame.”  1 Peter :6

And my new favorite God gave this month:

“All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace.  In righteousness you will be established, tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear.”  Is. 54:14

As God builds up my trust in Him through Scripture, it is easier to obey simple commands:   ”Don’t be afraid; just believe.”  Mark 5:36  If you think it through, packed inside that little verse is the hymn and lyrics to “Trust and Obey”.  Music to my ears.

As I wait for my prodigal’s return, two of the most encouraging books I’ve read are Lena by Margaret Jensen and Prodigals and Those Who Love Them by Ruth Bell Graham. If you feel so led, share a piece of your story as you wait for your prodigal to return, share a piece of his/her name.  I commit to storming the Throne of Grace for them with you. 

Mindy was asked, “What is God teaching you as you train your children at home? What are the joys or frustrations?” Here’s her answer.

I have had the privilege of having a friend of mine love on my babes once a week for me to 1) get a break, 2) run errands with no kids and 3) get a break.  After week two of this schedule, I had to just tell her what an incredible help and blessing this was to me.

The conversation went something like this: I said, “This has been so good for me to get a break and run errands, I cannot thank you enough on how this blesses me.”  

She said, “Oh I am so thankful that it is working out, I enjoy it so much and it is a great time of worship for me.”  I started to laugh, but quickly realized she was serious.  

When she left and I had a moment to think of what craziness she was just talking, I could not help but ask the question: “she was with my kids for 5 hours this morning and she was worshiping?”  

That same day while my wee ones were napping, I prayed.”I am encouraged by her, Jesus. I have never ever ever thought that being with my kids was worshipful, so please show me how that works exactly.”  Both kids woke up, and I was ready to worship!  

Apparently they weren’t.  One would not let me be anywhere but in the kitchen with him in my arms, while the other was pulling on my leg as she realized her pants were wet from a soggy pull up. One wanted to have a snack outside the other wanted a bath, they both wanted some crackers for a snack, we were out of crackers. Get the gist? I thought for a moment that maybe my worship as a parent was supposed to be when they were asleep. That afternoon continued in that same format and when my husband came home and asked how the day was, I responded “it was an afternoon of attempted worship.”  Then I fell to the couch in my typical laughing that turns to crying and then laughing more as tears kept coming down my face.

Fast Forward to a month later:

Some good friends went out of town for two days and we got to love on their twin 3 year old girls. So we had the twins, my 5 year old girl, and 3 year old boy AND our house-mate’s 2.5 year old daughter.  The kids out numbered the total of parents in the house, YIKES!  The twins came over about 7:30 a.m. and by 9:30 a.m., we had played dress up, eaten breakfast, done play-dough, ridden bikes outside and had done coloring.  AND IT WAS ONLY 9:30 AM! “What is the rest of the day going to look like?”  We did exercises, made a a hop-scotch, climbed trees, drew with chalk, ate snacks, rode more bikes, played pretend coffee shop, read books, danced to silly songs, ate lunch and by 1:00 pm the house was still and quiet with them all napping.  

Now, all that play sounds fun and delightful but there were numerous time-outs with noses against the wall. “Please don’t throw the plastic high heel at your sister!” “That is not loving to steal food when someone turns to look the other way.” “That is the second time I have asked you not to run over your brother with a bike, you are not obeying my words.” “Look me in the eyes and tell me you are sorry for throwing the bucket at my head.”  

But at nap time when all was still I thought, “I think I just did it. I think I just was worshiping while parenting!! Lord, could this be what it is like?”  It was an incredible feeling.  My mind slowly recognized a few things.  I was loving 5 kids today. There was a lot of action here today, and still more to come … AND it was delightful.  I had nothing else on my plate today — in other words, I never checked my email or called anyone, which is not a typical day for me.  Kids had fun, I had fun, they were loved, I felt loved … and I do believe Jesus was glorified and I was worshiping! I cried and then it turned into a laugh thinking of how long I have longed to be so full of love for kids and worshipful to Jesus. I cried harder and laughed harder, too.

 Romans 12:1 — “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”

So the questions I am left with as I sit today with my two kids on the couch, laptop in my lap and phone on my hip are these:

What am I requiring of myself and where is that not lining up with what God is requiring of me?  

What part of my “typical” day ends up being my god that I worship? (my phone, my email, my friends)  

My husband said to me once, “All I ask of you is to read your Bible and love our kids.”  How can that play out practically?  What can that look like?  

How can I practice the presence of God in every inch of my day?  

And how do you do it? 

Dear RTF reader,

September was a good month. I know it was. I wanted to bring you an uplifting report from newlywed land combined with some epic story of fighting against all odds to triumph victoriously at the foot of the cross, like I’m sure other married couples have relayed. Still wrestling with tangled balls of thought and snippets of memory at 6:00 this morning, staring at a wall we never hung pictures on - blank white walls irritate both of us - I waited to remember that one time when we were amazing.

Thirty minutes into my wrestling, a mostly asleep husband reached around and pulled me closer to his chest. His breath was warm against the back of my neck and the weight of his arm resting on mine broke into my thoughts.

Why does it have to be epic (my new favorite word)?

Because it is more engaging, of course! Do you not remember Lord of the Rings?

What about honest, humble and possibly even a bit vulnerable?

But what if no one can relate to that!?! Hmmm…Um, never mind.

It’s true. These first several months of marriage, while full of transition, have not necessarily consisted of giant strides toward holiness, but something resembling tiny lessons in humility, and a continual stream of evidences of God’s grace - not unlike the ways Christ taught us in singleness. I am grateful to relay that Christ is still actively working in our lives and marriage, despite my delusions of greatness and odd conversations with myself.

September’s evidences of grace:

• Perry shares what he’s been learning from Harold Best’s “Unceasing Worship” and takes the following 30 minutes to discuss it with me when I don’t understand.

“Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude…” 1 Cor 13:4

• We fight heated, but on one occasion, resist bringing out past faults and are able to come to a resolution, though we still do not agree.

“In your anger, do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your heart and be silent.” Psalm 4:4

• He urges me to spend the afternoon with a hurting friend, rather than demanding my time and attention.

• He initiates a run in the morning before work one morning, because he knows it starts my day off well and we both desire to be healthy for ourselves and each other.

“My beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among ten thousand.” Song of Solomon 5:10

• I leave my hair straightener on the bathroom sink for the sixth time in a row, and instead of getting frustrated, he gives me time to remember and put it away.

“…[Love] does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…” 1 Cor 13:4

• We change Mars Hill campuses and watch as Christ connects us to new ministry and new friendships.

• We recognize exhaustion in each other’s eyes after a long day at work, and instead of forcing the other to meet needs or be productive, we both extend grace and go to bed early. The laundry can wait. (this was yesterday)

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Eph 5:33

• He calls me out on selfishness, and gently leads me back to repentance.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Eph 5:25-28

Yes, September was a very good month.

Candice was asked, “What is the biggest gift Jesus has given you this year?” Here she answers that question.

I was standing around Circuit City yesterday while my husband was picking out a video camera for our new arrival. I started thinking of the biggest gift Jesus has given me this year. To no one’s surprise, the first thing that came to mind was this baby in my tummy. But the longer I thought about it, the longer the list got.

Although I didn’t go into too much detail in my last post about my sexual sins, I was in the process of repenting and studying with other women what the bible said about it. For so many years, I was a slave to different sexual sins. No body knew… and I actually liked it like that.

“If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” 1 John 1:6-7

After 17 years of habitual sin, Jesus has changed my heart. My sexual desires have been purified and re-focused for my husband and our marriage bed. After two years of marriage, I experienced for the first time what sex was meant to be like: The perfect act of intimacy that I didn’t know was possible. The pure desire I can have for my husband that I didn’t know I was missing.

I could keep going and talk about all the behavioral things that have changed, but I won’t. All I want to boast about is Jesus. Jesus is the reason my sexual sins have stopped. Jesus is the reason I am not disgusted with myself anymore. Jesus was the one whose grace covers me, even when I’m not paying attention to it.

So what’s the biggest gift Jesus has given me this year? Here are the top 4 of 2008.
1. Freedom from sexual sin
2. Community to walk in the light with
3. The continual love, patience and leadership of my husband
4. The miracle of this child

Hallelujah! Thank you, Lord!

Today Liz Pak shares about her son Simon’s early birth.

 DAY 1
 
John 17: 1 When Jesus had spoken these words, he lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, “Father, the hour has come.”

The clothes have not been washed, the baby shower still two weeks away.  I pack the hospital bag and lay out my baby’s sheets still fresh from the dryer.  A bleary eyed friend arrives; I whisper good-bye to my still slumbering toddler and we dash to the hospital.
 
Father, you have chosen this day for my baby’s birth. Help me to trust in your perfect timing, for his life as well as mine.

DAY 3
 
John 17:1-2 Glorify the Son so that the Son may glorify you, since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him

I am officially discharged from the hospital but my baby is not.  We stand and watch him batting at the blindfold over his eyes, his little hand bandaged to an IV, bright lights baking his jaundiced skin. I ache to nurse my baby and hold him close but the doctors and nurses say not yet.
 
Lord, bless these people watching over our child. Guide their hands and hearts; give them discernment to know what is best. Give me patience and strength to trust them and trust You with our little boy. Let me rest in your sovereignty

DAY 5
 
John 17:3 And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.

My little man is not eating; the nurse lays the dreaded feeding tube next to his incubator. Will he ever come home? Someone drops by a meal; after community group and helping a friend move, we rush to put our daughter to bed before I have to be back at the hospital for the next feed.
 
Lord, thank you for Your strength. Thank you for people to help us and for enabling us to help other people. Thank you for our family in Christ, as we grow with them we grow also in You.

DAY 9
 
John 17:4-5 I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence, with the glory that I had with you before the world existed.

The wires and tubes have slowly gone away and now my baby sleeps in an open crib. We wait with impatient hearts as the doctor looks over the charts and writes the final discharge. I breathe a sigh of relief as our family walks through the exit; my baby breathes fresh air for the first time.
 
Lord, thank you for enabling us to do the work you set before us. Thank you for giving us joy and peace for 9 days when we could not look to anything but you. Thank you for bringing us home. Thank you for Simon Jude, born August 28th, 2008 

“Now we see but a poor reflection, as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.” 1 Corinthians 13:12

Today was Candice’s day to post, but I just got word she’s gone into labor (!) so y’all can pray for her delivery of baby Harley.

My sister-in-law is a week past-due and they’ll probably induce her this afternoon and make my little niece come out into the world. Grandma said, “poor thing, if I were her I wouldn’t want to face a Manitoba winter, either!”

On Saturday, my dear cousin got married. It was a huge family affair; I was the reception host, 3 of my sisters catered the entire thing and another sister was the photographer. There were relatives and friends everywhere from as far as Lebanon and London, and it was a very joyful time. Still, when I got my aunt to take me to where the bride was hiding before the wedding so I could give her one last hug, I was completely shocked that I suddenly burst into uncontrollable tears. Goodbye, maidenhood friend.

This Friday, I will attend a funeral for my dear friend Stephanie. She battled cancer the entire time I knew her. I used to give her massages to try to help her lymph nodes drain, and forced her to tell me stories of her childhood in Mt. Vernon in the 1940’s. Sent home with pain killers to just wait out the end, I watched as her body became more and more emaciated. I watched the tears of family and friends. I watched her own tears as she reconciled the fact she was going to die in the next few days since she couldn’t eat or drink any longer. We read John 14 together, and she told me that was what they read at her son’s funeral, and she couldn’t wait to see him.

Two gals I work with also had people close to them die in the last month. We have all had our tearful exchanges about how much we hate death. We are comforted to know that we don’t have to be at peace with death - that it is our enemy - and that Jesus truly has conquered it.

All this has me thinking a lot about life recently. How short it is, how quickly we come and go. That there really is only hope in Jesus to live now, and our only hope for after life is Him also. Jesus IS life.

It makes the little things - the little fights, the striving to have the best and the newest fill-in-the-blank, the pompousness and pride of so many things that are “meaningless! meaningless!” - it makes them look as petty as they are. And the things that get overlooked… like my little girl cousins begging me to dance with them at the wedding and tell them their dresses are pretty … suddenly become so very important.

I was emailing a friend this week, and I actually burst out laughing when I typed that.  It was like seeing truth in a new light, and I couldn’t help myself.  It caused me to reflect on all the healing that Jesus had effected in my life, because three little words can change your life.  Remember the most famous?  ”It is finished.”  (John 19:30).

In a twisted simile with the same connotation, 3 little words changed my life forever following a confrontation with my husband after exposing his extramarital affair.  A fairly new Christian, I remember sitting on my knees on the bed, thinking, ”I can’t believe how much worse life has gotten since I gave my life to Jesus!”  Minutes later, 3 little words from my beloved’s lips would haunt me for a very long time.  I will never forget the tone, the pitch, the pause, the delivery, the articulation. 

The answer.

“Don’t you love me anymore?”

(four second pause)

“No.  I don’t.”

Everything was slow motion, so it wasn’t like feeling an immediate, vicious puncture wound.  The incision through my heart was premeditated; a slow, deliberate slash.  Almost methodical.  But it was a dagger gash.  Messy.  Very messy for my children and I.  The words would wash in an out like the tide, for a long time.  

Fast forward.  Separation.  Divorce.  His new marriage would propel a journey of single parenting my then 2 and 3 year old for seven years.  My heart wound began a tumultuous cycle.   Scab, fester, heal, infect.  Scab, fester, heal, infect.  An occasional bust open.  Like the time my little boy asked the UPS man if he was his daddy.  That one took a long time to stitch up.

Fast forward.

Bliss!  My savior had arrived!  A terrific Christian man who wanted to marry me!  Reducing my previous marriage to worldly love, I knew this man would bring me closer to the ideallic Mary Poppins marriage I had dreamed of.  You know, practically perfect in every way.  We were both Christian, after all.

Fast forward. 

 A handful of Christian women studying The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace.  (A great book on wife-ing.)  We are studying the chapter on sex, and the leader naively passes me by (with my second trimester belly) by commenting, “Well, obviously you have no problems in this department!”  Do they notice that everyone is laughing but me?  No, they don’t.  Because, despite my Mary Poppins smile, I am working a familiar pattern.  Scab, fester, heal, infect.  Scab, fester, heal, infect…

* * *

In each of our lives, the drama of sin and suffering plays itself out.  It may be a secret struggle that is growing more difficult.  It may be a relationship that is increasingly conflicted.  The horrors of the past rear their ugly heads.

Honesty compels us to admit that we are people who need help, surrounded by people in the same situation.  There are things inside of us that simply don’t go away.  We do wrong things, feel regret, confess them, resolve not to repeat them, but, in the heat of the moment, go on to exactly what we promised ourselves we wouldn’t.

God has called us to be part of His kingdom work, but he hasn’t given us a phoney Mary Poppins polish, or a quick pamphlet, “5 Steps to the Perfect Relationship.”  He has told us to place our hope in the presence and work of Jesus the Redeemer.  We find we are utterly dependent on His power and wisdom for change in any of our relationships, because “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way” (Is. 53:6).  It was completely encouraging when, during a time of complete humility and failure, Jesus reminded me that all mankind, all marriages, were in the same boat as me, really, and that no matter what any marriage looked like on the outside, no matter how much lacquer a couple may goop on, the truth remains we are all selfish, sinful wives married to selfish sinful husbands.  Their transparency was irrelevant on some level.  What I believed about Jesus and how I aligned my mind with Scripture would be the only important difference.

My husband and I have stumbled, tripped, lost many battles, and yet are winning the war.  Our marriage is tight and growing tighter, despite the fact that from time to time we blame each other for our own sins, as well as the past sins of others. 

The Christian life is a long obedience in the same direction.  The Bible is more than an encyclopedia of therapeutic insights, like,  ”Where can I find a verse on (fill in the blank)”.  Our only hope in any relationship rests on the Person, Jesus Christ, and His salvation plan to rescue us.  We are quicker to the cross as a couple, and more willing to be humiliated in front of one another.  I have watched my husband go from a deflated football, to the winningest QB in our home.  As a couple, we are hopeless and helpless as husband and wife, man and woman.  We need rescue from our own self-sufficiency and wisdom and a transport to a kingdom where Jesus is central and true hope is alive. 

I am haunted more often by the Bible and words of God, than the foolish words of man.  ”No.  I don’t“, holds absolutely no power anymore.  When Pastor Mark was teaching through Nehemiah, God reminded me to,   “Have a mind to work, Shelly, on your relationships.”  (Nehemiah 4:6).   Which incidentally is a great prayer.    

We feel as if we have a permanent trowel in one hand (building our home for Jesus fame), and a sword in the other (exalting and living and believing the Word).  (Nehemiah 4:17).  We’ve made dozens of marriage and parenting mistakes.  And still, we win the war.  A long obedience in the same direction, and knowing our community at Mars Hill Church is all doing the same, and no one has a Mary Poppins marriage.  

Pastor Mark’s new series on The Peasant Princess, in Song of Songs is sure to scratch a few scabs for all of us.  I know in the end it will encourage more growth, more humility, and deeper love in all of our relationships, because worldly love is our default under a Curse.

Thank you Jesus Christ, for picking off the scabs.  For saving me from myself, from hurting my husband, and for eternity.

Thank you Pastor Mark, for your undaunting love of Scripture, uncovering festers in our marriages. 

Thank You, Father God, for a design to heal us.

Use us, sweet Jesus through the Holy Spirt, to give us (as C.S. Lewis put it), the Good Infection to others around.

Thank you that I can laugh at the title of this post.  And be eternally thankful that it’s true.

Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed;

Save me and I will be saved,

For Thou art my praise.

Jeremiah 17:14

What does respecting your husband look like? Tami Hagglund answers this question personally.

Falling in love with my amazing husband, Jason, was easy. He loves Jesus and has loved me with unconditional love that I could not have dreamed up had I tried.  While dating we conversed incessantly about how our marriage would be, acknowledging that it would require a lot of hard work but believing ourselves too mature to argue about meaningless nonsense like “those” couples.

We recently celebrated our one year anniversary, and I can’t tell you how many times we have fought over stupid things like his driving or him falling asleep when we’re watching a TV show on the DVR (he always expects me to rewind!), not to mention the fact that I leave clothes everywhere - the kitchen, the bathroom, the couch… honestly, pretty much everywhere but the closet.  We’ve intentionally worked on communication and have grown in our ability to step away from such lameness quickly and forgive one another.

What is much harder is dealing with idols, of which I seem to have too many to count.  I’ve seen his heart break when I confess sins related to my battle with obesity. I’ve bitterly resented him when he bungled the finances and we were charged with an overdraft and my idol of financial security was threatened.  One scary evening I screamed – SCREAMED – at him when he suggested that to save money maybe we should consider (more…)

By Tera Miller

Before coming to know Jesus at the age of 27, I had my fare share of relationships with men of a different character than what I’m attracted to now as a Christian.  Just as God has been transforming my heart, He has been transforming how I consider men for potential relationship.  It’s not a science or a checklist by any means, but here are six ways in which God has changed my heart and opened my eyes.

First, as a non-believer my former goal for relationship with men was simply to date and have a good time. There was no intention of anything more than that, but perhaps if it did turn into a long committed relationship, it would be considered a bonus.  My thinking was short-term and narrow.  I didn’t question whether he would be a good husband, good father, or good leader.  I only needed to know if he was a good date or possibly a good boyfriend.  Now I value legacy and how a man would lead our family as well as whether I would be willing to follow him and submit to his mission for the rest of my life.

Second, I used physical and sexual attraction as my gage for desirability.  I felt desired by men when they pursued me physically, and in turn, I showed my attraction for men by advancing sexually.  Although physical attraction is still important and sexual intimacy will be enjoyed in the covenant of marriage, I now find great value in emotional and spiritual compatibility and feel most desired when a man pursues the hidden parts of my heart, fulfilling my deepest longing to be fully known and fully loved.

Before becoming a Christian, I didn’t know what sin was nor that I was indulging in it.  So looking back, I can see that the third consideration I used was whether someone would join me in my sin.  I wanted someone who would allow me to be selfish, hide in half truths, and manipulate the situation.  I was attracted to men who were slaves to their own sin so they couldn’t hold my sin against me.  Today I want a man who is both aware of and repulsed by his sinful heart, and is eager to confess and repent of his sin.  I also want a man who is loving and bold enough to call out my sin and to not be content with my unrepentant heart. 

Fourth, I used to think that it didn’t matter what other people thought of my relationship as long as he treated me well when we were alone together.  That meant that he could be a different person to my friends, disrespect me in public, and not be liked by my family.  Today I see community as a blessing and wise counsel.  To bring a relationship before the people that know me and love me is a way for me to receive guidance and assure that I am protected.  I want my future husband to be the same person to me as he is to my friends, my family, our community and complete strangers.  I want to be able to see his character in different situations and how he chooses to respond.  I also value the accountability from brothers and sisters who are looking out for my best interest and helping to make sure our relationship is glorifying to God.

The fifth variance in my view of men is the concept that I now want a man to make me holy, not simply happy.  There is nothing wrong with the emotion of happiness, however if that is my goal above all else, I will not be as willing to be transformed for God’s purpose because I will avoid anything that takes me away from happiness.  I believe God brings great joy even in the midst of intense pain and suffering.  And when I am seeking to be more like Jesus, I will be faced with many times of unhappiness for the sake of holiness.  I want a man who will choose our holiness even when it’s hard, may result in disappointment, or be anything but happy.

The sixth and final point actually encompasses all of the prior five.  It all comes down to worshipping myself as god.  I thought selfishly and narrowly, seeking immediate pleasure and did whatever I wanted at that moment.  I used to live for my plan but now I live for God’s plan.  Likewise, I want a man who is seeking God’s plan and will live it out in our relationship and in the rest of his life.

God has a plan that is far greater than I could ever imagine for myself.  And the question isn’t How does God fit into my plan?, it’s How do I fit into God’s plan?  I want a man who believes that and is after my heart because he is first after God’s own heart.